Life Plans

The problem with life plans, is that they seldom go according to plan. I'm pretty sure that's my own spin on some sort of famous quote that i don't have the time or the gumption to research the original source right now.  Maybe Benjamin Franklin, or Thomas Edison or someone old, dead, wise and fancy like that.

I had planned on writing this post about two weeks ago, but obviously it didn't happen.  Which is probably for the best, because two weeks ago I was in a very different mindset than I am now.  I was mad, hurt, mad, confused, mad, depressed, mad... because once again, my life wasn't looking like I had planned it to look.

Here's a timeline of what my life plans have been:

Late teens/Early twenties life plan:
Married by 25, kids by 28

Twenty-five came and went and I was still single and still no kids.
Granted, I had done some travelling, lived in Australia for 6 months and definitely was enjoying life

Mid twenties life plan:
Married by 28, kids by 30

Twenty-eight came and went and I was still single and still no kids.
Granted, I had survived a horribly abusive relationship and I was fortunate to not have any kids as a by-product of that.

Late twenties life plan:
Married by early 30's, kids by 35

My early thirties came and went and I was still single and still no kids.
Granted, I had traveled around the world by myself for 5 months, had put my life back together from the fiasco of my former relationship, had learned how to live alone, had developed an amazing relationship with God.  Many, many, many good things came during this period of singleness.

Early thirties life plan:
Married by 35, kids by 38.

I am 35 and I am still single and I still have no kids.
Granted, I have relocated, live downtown, changed careers, am going to school, ditched the car, have lost weight, am more active and healthier than I've ever been, enjoy my life more than I ever have and have a ticket to India booked for November.

I truly believed that I heard God tell me that I was going to meet my husband and have that relationship begin in 2014. I had people come alongside me and tell me they believed that along with me.  I was unstoppable. I kept myself open. I put myself out there.  I put my plans for my life on hold so that I would be available to any and every guy I met who could possibly be the one.  I even dated one guy for about a month, and he was East Indian.  I thought I'd hit the jackpot.  Except that God very clearly told me he was not the one for me.  So I reluctantly let that go, despite the fact that I felt like I would be missing the boat if I walked away from the relationship.  Regardless of how unfulfilled it left me.  I was going to be obedient, because I knew God had the best for me, somewhere.

And yet, here I am now.  It's 2015.  I'm 35... and a half.  I am still single and I still have no kids.  I missed my boat.  Why did God not come through with what I felt I so clearly heard him tell me.  Why am I still waiting.  Why is everyone else's life moving forward while mine is stuck in "SINGLE".  I spent that last month of 2014 wading into the pool of misery, depression, anger, self-pity and rebellion and fully submerged myself into that pool during January and have spent the first half of February working my way back out.

My life plan now...
Achieve a double major degree and have a kid via good old fashioned science by 40.

Wouldn't it be ironic if this go around my life plan wasn't achieved because of a relationship and marriage.

Hello there, old friend.

The thought crossed my mind recently to pick up blogging again.  Not because I'm setting off on another amazing adventure; although depending on who you ask, they'd say my normal life is an adventure, but more so because I needed an outlet for all of the stuff that goes through my mind. If you're new here, you can read the archives from 2011 to see what I'm referring to.  I didn't want to start a brand new blog, because a lot of what happened during that time has shaped who I am and how I think today.  So, instead, I just revamped and re-branded this one so that my history is still accessible.

I'm not doing this to be cool or hip or trendy or make money or become famous.  I'm doing this because sometimes, you just need to know that someone else is going through the same crap that you are.  And sometimes, you just have to get stuff out of your head and out into the universe for it to leave you alone.

So, I guess an update is in order before I start rambling about other stuff....

Since that last post in August 2011, I had a full year of being unemployed at home in Vallejo where I continually witnessed God's faithfulness in provision.  It was actually just a few days short of a year when I started working as a temp at Wells Fargo doing boring bank stuff.  The one industry I didn't want to go back in to.  But when God provides, you don't say no, and that was exactly what God had done.  I was within a week of being out of unemployment benefits, so I didn't have much of a choice.  The funny thing is, I was looking at relocating to Carson City with my brother, even had a job interview lined up, when the job in Oakland opened up.  I endured that job and commute for nine long, grueling months.  During that time I continued to look for a permanent job, continued to apply for and be overlooked for jobs that I was very, if not, over-qualified for.  I had started working with the youth at my church during that time and while I longed to relocate out of Vallejo, I didn't feel like it was time for me to do that yet.  Eventually, the youth pastor left and at the same time, I heard, very clearly, God tell me it was time for me to move on from Vallejo.  I started looking at all kinds of cities to move to... Chicago, Atlanta, New York, Boston... anything far from Vallejo and preferably out of California.  I started to settle on the idea of relocating to the Tacoma, WA area with my cousin, but first I had to see what would happen with a couple applications I had pending, that I assumed would amount to nothing.... HAhahahahaaaaaaa.... yea, God had something else in mind.

It was His plan for me to get an amazing job in Sacramento with the county that I quickly moved out of and up into another job that I absolutely love and enjoy within the same office. I have found myself living within walking distance to my office in a unique, beautiful, large apartment that I also love.  Living a pedestrian life without a car, subsisting on farmer's market shopping and living a very European lifestyle.  After trying out a few different churches, I finally succumbed and went to one of the first ones that was recommended to me in the area and it instantly became home.  I just started college this month, for the first time ever, which I also love. I have a trip back to India planned for later this year.  I'm still single and still have the best companion on the planet in the form of an orange cat named Jack.

So there you have it... there's an update.  Now I can get into the nitty-gritty of life... the hurt, pain and confusion of life... in the next post.