Now, about tomorrow!!

Today is my birthday... I'm 32! I'm sentimental in the fact that on birthdays, significant anniversaries and new years, I look at my life, where it's at, what I've done and where I want it to go. I have to say, the last year has not been a disappointment!

I've been thinking a lot over the last several weeks and even more over the last week about if I will continue this blog after I've gotten home and life has returned to normal. I've decided not to. So effectively, this will be the last post. :( Now that I type that with the intention of posting it, it makes the finality of everything seem really REAL!

The adventure will never end... life is meant to be an adventure!

The adventure will just start to take on a different shape. So now that I'm not traveling and don't have traveling at the forefront of my mind.... I've registered with a temp agency and will continue to look for and perform temp work for the next few months. Provided the door is open when my circumstances are ready, I plan on moving up to Portland, Oregon and working again with the company that laid me off. They did want to keep me before I left and made it very clear I was welcome back when I got home. Ultimately, it was a very good company to work for... the office and management I was working under in Larkspur was what made it so miserable. I've been to the Portland office before and there's a very different vibe, a much better vibe. After I've been there for a year, I'll be eligible for tuition reimbursement again and can go to school to study international finance. Ultimately, I plan on moving back to Calcutta to do micro-financing. This however will be several years down the road!

In the meantime, the adventure is in the form of moving to a brand new state, much less city! I plan on learning how to roller skate in the interim and once I'm settled wherever that will be after the holidays, I want to join a roller derby team. Don't ask me where or why, but that just seems like a fitting competitive activity for me! And then there's school... for the first time ever, I'm actually excited about going to school, taking real (math and english) classes and having homework. Oh yeah, and then there's the book that everyone keeps telling me i should write....

No one knows what the future really holds! I have these plans at this moment, but this could all change depending on what opportunities are presented to me.

I'm excited for the new adventure that awaits me!

Lessons learned on the road!

Here's some thoughts that crossed my mind and observations that I made that I actually wrote down specifically for a posting when I got back. I'm quite surprised I didn't lose the piece of paper!

• We all laugh at the same things, regardless of where we're from or what language we speak!
• Every culture has their own definition of beauty.
• Every country and culture has both beautiful and ugly people... inside and out!
• "Big" is only looked down on in the western world.
• Children's temper tantrums sound and look the same no matter what country you're in.
• Not enough American's travel... specifically I mean to third world countries/areas.
• Never underestimate the power of a smile. It was one of the most effective and helpful tools I had... regardless of whether or not there was a language barrier.
  
• Coca Cola and the Japanese are EVERYWHERE!
  

Istanbul, Turkey

Considering the fact that I had barely any money, this was a good city to be in under those circumstances. It is a beautiful, fascinating, culturally rich city that one can enjoy and eat in for very little. You can easily live it up and have an extravagant and expensive time just as easily as you can get by for 10 Lira a day, which is under $10.

Here's some of what I saw for free!

The Greyhound!

There will still be a post about Turkey with pictures, but all in good time.

Now that I've been home for a few days. Am working on getting myself settled and making my apartment resemble what I left... I figure I'd take some time to tell the story of my Greyhound trip.

First of all... I think Greyhound has a bad reputation. At least on the west coast; but I will also say, it's almost rightfully earned. When I boarded the bus in NYC, it was all normal people just traveling from one place to the other. It's not uncommon to not have a car in parts of the east coast because transportation networks are so well developed. However, after Pennsylvania, the further west we got... the more interesting the passengers got. No matter how weird or sketchy some of the passengers got, the company actually has some pretty strict rules, which are announced regularly on the bus.

I was on the bus for almost 3 full days. I left NYC at 8am on Friday and arrived to Sacramento at about 1am on Monday morning. And for three quarters of the ride, it was an older bus. Which after boarding a new bus in Salt Lake City, it turns out the older bus was much more comfortable. Rather surprising actually. Or it could have just been that after 50 hours on a bus, I just couldn't reach a point of comfort any longer. I was lucky enough to have relatively empty buses where I didn't have to share a seat with anyone except for maybe 12 hours of the trip. And even then, both people I shared a seat with were relatively normal and nice. Despite the fact that I was able to stretch out, there were periods where my butt just HURT!! It was a relief when we had stops, to be able to get out and stretch, but it was never pleasurable to be getting back ON the bus.

As for the people.... One of the people I shared a seat with was an older gentleman traveling from Ohio to LA for a reunion. He did political walks... you know the kind where someone walks across the country to promote awareness of whatever situation. He was very nice, a little odd, and towards the end, very annoying. There were people on the last leg of the trip that I'm pretty sure were snorting drugs in the back of the bus. I saw more "hookups" in a couple days than I expected. It's amazing what can happen on the back of a bus between two people, relatively close in age and of the opposite sex. The thing that baffled me, that I guess just shows you how guys really are, and girls for that matter, the girl or the guy, weren't really good looking. In fact, they were down right nasty looking. So there was one couple with a normal good looking guy and a skanky looking girl and then another couple with a beautiful girl and the guy was down right disgusting looking! To each their own I guess. Then, my favorite and the one that started making me reach my limit... when I got on the bus somewhere in the midwest, I don't remember where exactly... The old mexican cowboy who was sitting right behind me, had a cough that kept being coughed right into the back of my head and which I had to smell.... it smelled like horse butt. It made it hard to sleep because when he would cough, it was with enough force that i could feel it and it actually moved my hair. This might actually explain why I've not been feeling to hot for the last few days. Another favorite was the mexican guy who got on the bus after the bus driver told him it was the wrong bus and then the bus driver discovered him on the bus at a stop several hours later. The said bus driver, was NOT a nice bus driver. \

It was quite the adventure and definitely a fitting way to end the trip in general. I've gone and seen all these other parts of the world, but have never seen the full U.S. This definitely helped eliminate that situation to an extent. I drove through New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Missouri, Kansas, Colorado, Utah, Nevada and finally arrived in California.

Home Sweet Home!!

After three days traveling across the country via Greyhound bus (which you better believe will have it's own posting within the next few days!!) I am finally home in Vallejo.

I'm currently at my mom's place... my brother and I will do the swap-a-roo later today so I'll have my place and my car back. I just wanted to check in quickly to let everyone know I've made it home safely. Several more posts regarding the trip are still to come. But I need a day or two for my body to figure out what time zone it's in!

It's good to be home!

Stars and Stripes forever!

Yesterday, July 27, I set foot on US soil.

I'm still not home, but at least I'm in the right country now. The whole experience of coming "home" has been surreal and I don't think it's really hit me that the trip, this amazing adventure, is essentially over. Maybe because I'm in NYC and am still playing the role of traveler, I just happen to be much closer to home than previously. Maybe it's simply because the last five months is such a part of my life that the experience will forever be with me and it's not a matter of the adventure ending, rather just continuing on to a different stage.

I've decided that the last part of my journey, the homeward bound section, will be via Greyhound bus. Before I left, I would have been appalled at the idea of taking the Greyhound bus... it's what all the crazies and druggies take. However, after having traveled in some of the places I've been, it should be a cakewalk! I also think it's fitting for the end of my journey... I've never really seen the whole country. This will be a nice way to take in the sights of the middle part of the US while also getting myself home in the cheapest manner possible!

It's good to be "home".... I'm looking forward to being home!

Blessings Abundant!

Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Luke 6:38

A while back in a posting before I left home, I talked briefly about faith and how I tried to keep my relationship with God to myself, internalized so to speak. I've noticed that while that was the mindset I had when I left, there's been a change occurring within me. I can't help but ooze how in love and in awe I am of my amazing God. I don't let it consume this blog, but I'm also not going to try to hide it for anyone who may not believe the same as me. My friends are my friends regardless of my religious beliefs.

With that being said, I continually have revelations about how incredibly blessed I am. Not just with this experience. Although this whole trip, the last 5 months, has been a dream come true. God has provided for me in ways I never thought possible... big needs, little needs, all needs!

Today's revelation about how blessed I am, wasn't so much about the experience, as much as it was about everyone I love and hold dear at home. I was in the amphitheater at the military museum watching the Ottoman Mehter concert (military band music) and I couldn't contain the tears. The concert wasn't sad, it was just the whole thing. The day before I spent the entire day trying to be resourceful and looking for alternative ways to get home that would be cheaper than all the tickets I'd found so far. I was alone in a big foreign city without a lot of money, trying to figure out how to enjoy my time here without spending any money. I found out at some point yesterday that a missionary in Istanbul was contacted on my behalf. When she got in touch with me she gave me all kinds of information on what I can do for little to no money. One of those things being the military museum with it's concert.

I set out on this crazy adventure and absolutely no one that I care for tried to stop me. Everyone has supported me both in the preparation as well as during the trip. People have been there sharing my high moments as well as my low moments. Friends were there to listen to me cry on the phone at some of the lowest points of my life. And now, despite the situation I've found myself in, that anyone could easily lecture me on or say 'i told you so', everyone continues to support me, love me, pray for me and be there for me.

There have been different points in this adventure that I've probably been to generous for my own good. But I believe part of it was a learning experience in giving to allow God to give back. A very dear friend, who is more like a sister, told me several times that she believes God will bless me abundantly for my generosity. I have to agree with her on that note. I realized today that maybe God hasn't blessed me financially (at least not yet!), but He's blessed me beyond my wildest dreams with the people he's put in my life!

I will never be able to express adequate thanks to everyone in my life who's been there for me. During the last 5 months, the last year as I prepared for this trip, and throughout the prior years in my life.

This one's for all of you who love me, have shared my hurts and joys, have molded me and influenced me, and just been a friend in general!

Africa

Now that I'm in Turkey, back to something recognizable as civilization, here's some pictures of Africa. Because it was essentially a "road trip", it was very hard to take pictures. So I don't have any where near the amount of pictures I'd like. Nor do I have pictures of some of the amazing things I saw. It's hard to take pictures from a moving vehicle. And the culture in Africa is one that, not everyone wants or likes their picture being taken, due to cultural and superstitious reasons. I heard a story about one of the groups who went to the Serengeti, someone took a picture of a Masai warrior and the warrior threw their spear at the truck. It was some distance and the spear didn't come close, but I'd say that gets the message across loud and clear!

Money

I'm exasperated about this subject on a couple levels right now. So because i'm exhausted, haven't had a decent nights sleep and have been doing some active traveling, i'm going to take a post to vent!

First exasperation regarding money, my lack of it! Despite all my planning to avoid being in the situation i'm in... that being, no money and no ticket home... here i am. In the situation I tried to avoid the most. Hind sight is 20/20 and I could have handled the sri lanka episode differently, but I can't go back and re-do it. I also am cognizant enough to recognize that this is an opportunity, a big one, for God to continue to show his faithfulness and provision to me.

Second exasperation regarding money, exchanging money! I have over $100 in Kenyan schillings. My flight left Kenya at 2:50am and nothing in the airport was open in the way of exchange places. And so far I've had no luck getting it exchanged here in Turkey. So now, not only do I not have any money to begin with, the little money I do have is completely useless to me!!

I'm tired, it all boils down to that right now, my crappy attitude. But I'm done... I just want to be done and home already!

That's the end of my rant. I'll go back to trying to see the positive side of all this and trying to enjoy myself until I manage to get myself home.

Overlanding in Africa

Overlanding in Africa is an experience that if is presented to you, you should definitely grab it! I can't really do it justice by trying to describe it rightfully, so I'm going to take the comedic approach, because the experience has definitely given me plenty of material for that!

Essentially, you're driving through the continent in a big converted MAC truck. The storage box on the back has been converted to have windows, passenger seats and a couple tables and whatever storage has been allowed on that specific truck. This is not a glamorous smooth ride.... no, this ride, especially the truck used from victoria falls to nairobi, was particularly bumpy! In fact, I'm quite surprised I didn't end up with black eyes from my boobs swinging up and hitting my face. I'm going to make a recommendation to the tour company that they need to add 'sports bra' to the packing list, specifically for the drives on these trucks, especially if you're sitting in the extra bumpy backseat!

Another experience associated with overlanding in africa is using 'the bush'! This translates to making the side of the road your toilet! This is not just for men any longer... oh no, i can pee outside with the best of them!! During the course of this trip, I've managed to poke myself in the butt with a sisal plant, have an audience of local Malawi boys while doing my business and bond on a whole new level with the other girls on the trip, especially while peeing behind a cactus with minimal coverage from the road and absolutely NO privacy from one another. One girl has mastered the art of peeing while standing up, which is disturbing on a couple different levels... it just looks wrong for one, and the other... i want to see how she does it, but you can't exactly watch another woman pee while you're out in the bush. There's been more than one occasion where I longed to have a camera as it would have been a hilarious picture. Several white butts exposed in the african bush all facing different ways.

The experience as a whole has been AMAZING and I'm already thinking about taking another one of these trips again in the future.... who's coming with me!?

hey big mama!

First things first... i'm still alive and i'm sorry it's been some time since my last proper posting! Now onto the fun stuff...

There's been more than one occasion where I've been walking down the street minding my own business when an african man walks by me and says "hey big mama!" I asked Mwangi, the tour leader for this leg of the trip, how exactly I should be taking this statement and he frankly responded with "esther, i'm not trying to be rude, but in africa, big is good."

Last night in Stonestown while at the food night market, I was the bell of the ball. Every time I turned around I had an african man starting a conversation with me, or singing for me or complimenting me. Even today while walking back from the ferry to the truck, a fellow tour member said I was attracting the attention of all the local men. In Africa big is definitely liked. And it's about damn time, because I sure as hell don't get this kind of attention at home.

Don't worry, I have no plans or intentions of running off with any of the african men who's attention i get. But it sure is nice to be noticed in a positive way! And it's quite entertaining!

All in all, I'm having a wonderful time!! Pictures and more details of activities will come eventually when I have a full laptop battery and free wi-fi again!

A little dose of reality....

The time will come for the exciting post(s) about everything I've experienced so far in Africa, but right now there's some other stuff on my mind that I want to write about.

After the mess with getting out of Sri Lanka, getting delayed on my arrival into SA and having to catch up with the tour group and pay my local payment.... I was COMPLETELY broke. My account had a negative balance. And I don't have a ticket home yet!!

The first two weeks of my time in Africa have been filled with worry and stress. I've abstained from activities that I originally wanted to participate in and have done everything I can to not spend money. I've prayed and cried about how this is going to work out. How am I going to get home. I'm not worried about eating, the tour was completely paid for and includes all meals.... but when I'm done in Kenya and catch my flight to Turkey... how am I going to get home!!

I reveal this level of candidness because you have to know how extreme my situation is to understand the level of God's faithfulness. I'll keep the manner to myself, but God has continued to prove himself faithful, even in my darkest hour. When despite all my planning to avoid the situation I found myself in, I still ended up there. God used it to show me how much he loves me, to provide for me. If He clothes the lillies of the valley and provides food for the sparrows, how much more does He love me and will provide for me.

It continues to amaze me that God, the creator of the universe, loves me, a little, puny, finite, broken human so much that he takes my worries and provides a solution for them. That being said, I'll be home very soon!!

I knew it was time to come home even before my money ran out. I really knew it was time to come home when I realized I was starting to no longer appreciate the opportunities I was experiencing. God's faithfulness has renewed my awe at this opportunity, but it is still DEFINITELY time for me to come home. Not in a state of giving up, but rather a state of me realizing i've reached my limit; the unknown that I needed to happen in my life when I left, has happened while I've been gone and I just miss home all around. I find myself enjoying my time in Africa and longing and looking forward to the day I set foot on US soil again!

South Africa and Zimbabwe

So, this is going to be quick because I only have about 20 minutes left on the internet!

I finally arrived in South Africa, after a number of additional expenses I finally met up with my group. And a lovely group it is... all my fears that i would be stuck with a bunch of miserable people were unfounded. We drove into Zimbabwe the day before yesterday. Today we're at Antelope park and tomorrow we move onto somewhere else that I don't know the name of and we go rhino tracking... on foot!! With a guide, who has a big gun! So far I've seen giraffes, impalas, baboons, zebras, ostriches and lots of monkeys!

Not sure when I'll be online next, but just wanted to check in and let everyone know i'm safe and ok.

Detour in Doha

Today was pretty much any travelers nightmare!

To start, I had to wake up at 1:30 am to get to the airport and do all that stuff for a 4:25 am flight. Everyone at the hotel was money hungry for tips and the mosquitoes were out in full force... no big deal, I was just glad to get the hell out of Sri Lanka. Longest two weeks of my life and I don't think I've ever wanted to leave a place as much as there!

So I get to the airport and start the check in process when the guy's taking longer to give me a boarding pass than they normally do.... "madam, you're ticket is for 14th May."

Excuse me!?! WHAT!?!

How did I manage to book my departure for the wrong month!?! But I did... so I had to scramble around the airport at 2:45 in the morning trying to fix this fiasco. The counter was telling me I had to call my travel agent and my travel agent was telling me they should be able to change it and just charge me the fee. I pretty much lost it. I couldn't help but cry when I was talking to the supervisor about fixing the situation. I wanted so badly to just leave that place and now I was being told I wouldn't be able to leave until the next day at the earliest. Long story short, I had to bite the bullet and buy another ticket. This was not my first choice, but I was desperate to leave and needed to get to Johannesburg to get ready for the safari and make the meeting tonight, etc. etc. etc.

Well, as it turns out... the flight from Sri Lanka to Doha was late.... late enough that I missed my connecting flight. And of course, to keep with the theme for the day, they didn't have another flight to Johannesburg until early on the 15th. Part of me wanted to cry, but part of me was just relieved I wasn't still stuck in Sri Lanka, so I did my best to stay calm. I am not above begging and I pretty much begged the agent about there being another flight earlier. Because today, there's an orientation meeting at 5 pm J. burg time and the safari leaves tomorrow morning at 7:30 am. So, my flight out of Doha leaves at 1:20 am and I arrive into Johannesburg at 8:30. I've already emailed the tour company asking what to do about this situation and am waiting to hear back. All of this happened before 7 am... that makes for a LONG day!

But my God, He loves me a LOT!! Because it was essentially the airlines fault that I missed my flight and the next flight isn't until tomorrow, I've been put up in a hotel. So I was thinking, Ok, it'll probably be some typical corporate hotel close to the airport with a view of the airport.....

OH NO!!!

I'm staying in a posh hotel, in what I'm assuming is the downtown area and right across the street from the water front. Very cool I say to myself as we pull up. Still thinking it'll probably just be a small room with a view of the construction site next door......

OH NO!!!

They put me in a suite... a huge suite at that!! And I have a view of the waterfront!! This room is bigger than my apartment at home, it has TWO bathrooms, and yes, I've used both! And the bed, OMG, the bed is like a cloud. And the shower looks phenomenal. I don't think you can really REALLY appreciate a good shower till you haven't had one for months! I even got meal vouchers. And the food is..... I'm stuffed! Everything I've been craving from home, pretty much, is here. In fact, this whole place is like being at home. It's even diverse. I was eating breakfast thinking, this must be what the UN is like. All different kinds of nationalities!!! At home there's diversity in skin color, but this was actually different nationalities and languages and cultures, all crashing together in a hotel in Doha, Qatar!

With the way the day started, I had pretty much reached the end of my rope... I wanted to come home. I was done... I quit!! That's where I was this morning. When I got to the hotel and saw the room and the view, I cried tears of gratitude, awe and appreciation. That my God loves me and cares about me enough to pamper me to this degree.... He continues to amaze me!!

Africa!!!

I leave Sri Lanka in less than 24 hours and head to Johannesburg, South Africa to start my overland camping safari. It departs June 15 and is finished July 16. It starts in Johannesburg and goes thru South Africa, Zimbabwe, Zambia, Malawi, Tanzania (including the spice island of Zanzibar) and ends in Kenya! Then I have a free add on from the company that includes a trip in Kenya to see the Masai tribes people, that is from July 17 to July 19. I leave Kenya on July 20 and head to Turkey.

Needless to say... I AM VERY EXCITED!!!

However, after tomorrow night, my internet access will be sporadic. So I'll do my best to make a blog posting when I have access to a connection... but there's no guarantees. Worst case scenario... there's a LOOOOONG posting after July 20 when I'm in Turkey.

daytripping

While the thought of laying on the beach or by the pool for two weeks sounds like an excellent idea, i know myself well enough to know i'd get bored with this luxurious lifestyle. So I took a couple days to wander around Sri Lanka. One day was spent wandering around Negombo where I'm staying, another day was spent taking a cruise through one of the many lagoons in Negombo and another day was spent driving several hours in a tuk tuk down to Bentota so I could see one of the sea turtle hatcheries and see if the beach was any different there.

Negombo is just a ramshackle little beach town. Lots of Germans come here. I know this because everything is in German as well as English. It's very laid back, simple and easy going here. It's also a major fishing village. I think they have every type of fish you can eat here. And I don't want to ever hear that there's a shortage of tuna, because i saw more fresh tuna in an hour at the small fish market than I've ever seen in my life.

There are a series of lagoons here also, it actually reminds me of the delta area back home.... but more humid and much more green! So I took a boat cruise thru the lagoon which was surprisingly a lot like Disney's Jungle Cruise. Except smaller. It was complete with birds, restless
natives, crocodiles or in this case a couple big lizards and even the hippo, which was really a wild pig. I even managed to keep up the trend of injuring myself at least once in every country. While
getting out of the boat, i cut my foot on either the algae covered slimy green brick or the thing that looked like rusted metal. Odds are, it wasn't the brick. Thank God I got all my shots, including tetanus, before I left home!! I've decided I can't be in a country for more than
three days without getting hurt. I didn't hurt myself in Singapore or Thailand, but I was only there for 2-3 days. And this injury happened on day 4!

Bentota is really only about 40 km away. In my American mind I think...hmmmm... ok an hour, but this is Sri Lanka so we'll say two hours. Nope, 4 hours to get down there. Granted, I was in a tuk tuk... i LOVE riding in tuk tuks, but they don't go very fast. And there's traffic.... oh yea, and the driver kept falling asleep, while driving! Regardless, I survived and i got to see the sea turtles, which I really wanted to do. The only thing I'm missing out on here in Sri Lanka, is
riding an elephant. But I don't have the money to do an elephant safari, so maybe, hopefully, I can accomplish this somewhere else!


I've decided the spend the last few days lounging around. I got books when i first arrived that I haven't taken time to read. Now I'm halfway thru one, making good progress. And the men here have been creeping me out, so I kind of just want to keep to myself and not have to interact with anyone. I don't mind the questions, normally they're innocent enough. But when you get asked questions in this order, it gets a little creepy!

1. are you single... why?
2. would you like an Ayurveda massage, I'll perform it!

GAG ME!! Especially if you could see the guy that this particular come on came from.... And then the persistence of trying to get me to engage in some sort of activity with them which will either cost money or cause me to be alone with them. This is the first place that i haven't felt
comfortable in regards to interacting with the locals and I've actually used the fake boyfriend thing!

You should write a book....

.... Really?!? Ehhh, why would anyone be interested in reading my story!
Are you serious, you're living the dream!!

This is a conversation that took place earlier this week. And then again yesterday.

While I was on my crazy jungle boat cruise we stopped to watch a guy retrieve and taste "dirty milk". Essentially it's fermented coconut milk that's alcoholic. DISGUSTING!! But I digress. There was another boat that arrived at the same time as myself and a south Indian couple, around my age, maybe younger were the passengers. We started making friendly conversation and my trip came up. I just want to say, I don't go around advertising how long i've been traveling or where I've gone. These two actually asked where else I've been, which led to the comment... You should write a book about all this!

Again... really? Is what I'm doing that extraordinary and exciting that people would REALLY be interested in reading a book recounting my crazy adventures? I did a facebook poll and was surprised to see that everyone responded positively. Not just positively in, yes write a book, but they'd actually buy it and read it. I guess maybe it is that extraordinary and exciting... I think maybe someone is trying to get a point across to me.

I was thinking about it yesterday afternoon and this is the conclusion I've reached. After I get home, I will pursue writing a book. However this will not be with the intention of being published and becoming some world renown best seller. I am NOT Eat Pray Love!!! I will write a book partly to have a more consistent formal way for my own self to recount what a wonderful opportunity I was given. But more importantly, I will write a book to keep all this fresh and in front of me. To keep my goal of getting back to India in front of me. To prevent myself from getting distracted with the 9-5 lifestyle and bills and debt and 'things'.

A Quote

Someone posted this on Facebook the other day and I like it enough to share it. And it seems appropriate for me and my journey on a new outlook regarding shedding tears.

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love."
Washington Irving

A day in the life of....

me, while I'm in Sri Lanka.

Today's my first full day here and I have nothing on the agenda except lounging around my hotel enjoying some time to rest and relax. I'm laying on my bed with the balcony door open, enjoying a pleasant balmy breeze listening to the ocean in the background. Eventually, once the chairs dry off from the rain yesterday, I'll actually sit on the balcony and watch the ocean.

Tomorrow the plan is to go into Negombo, get some cash, pickup a couple books to read and just kind of wander and see what there is in the village. I've been reading the lonely planet for Sri Lanka and seeing what else there is to do on the west coast and in Colombo and will probably have some day excursions while I'm staying here. Even if I don't, and i stay in the hotel and Negombo the whole time, I can't really complain. After all, this is what I see when I look out the window!

Farewell my love....

Today I left India and arrived in Sri Lanka.

I had always been fascinated with India and always wanted to go there, but was always afraid to go alone. Little did I know that I would fall in love with the country, especially Calcutta. I've left a piece of my heart in India and even though I don't know when exactly, I know I will return to call it home.

As I was thinking about what exactly to write for this posting, I realized that it's not just my love, India, that I say farewell too, it's also Jeff. As my flight took off from Chennai, I left behind any lingering hopes that I had that he would come around and make it all right. I left not with anger or resentment, simply questions and forgiveness, even if he never knows about it. I left with a heart much healthier, happier and put together than the heart I arrived with. I left as a new person. A person who recognizes a distinct path for her life, appreciation for the simple things in life and a person much happier and more satisfied with who I am and where I'm at in life.

Love, whether for a person or a country, can do funny things to you. My love for Jeff brought me to India, only to be abandoned and picked up and loved again by a whole country. You can't really beat that deal... trade one guy in for 6 billion people, not bad! :) Despite all the hurt and heartache I went thru, it was all worth it, if that's what it took to get me to India.... I'd do it all over again!

The Pink City

The last month and some days I've been staying in Jaipur, the capital of Rajasthan. Rajasthan is known as the land of kings, because it used to be full of kings and Jaipur is known as the pink city. The reason Jaipur got this nick name is because waaaaay back in 1853, when the Prince of Wales came to visit, the king had the entire city painted pink, because pink is a hospitable and welcoming color. Ever since then, all the buildings in the old city have remained pink, and actually have to be maintained to stay pink by building owners currently. It's not really pink... it's more of a salmon color, but what's the difference.

BLAH

The last week has been one of those weeks... lots of homesickness, lots of thoughts being processed, lots of lonliness. All around, just not the best week. It happens occasionally, even when you're living "the dream" it happens, just like it does at home when you're "workin for the man". Life goes on, and you must still live it though.

I don't want anyone to think I don't appreciate my life and my opportunities. I do! I am truly blessed beyond measure and will never be able to adequately express my gratitude. But until you've been traveling for three months (and have another 5 to go), living out of a suitcase, moving from one place to the next, learning a city and making friends and then leaving and having to do it all over again.... you'll never really understand how it can take it's toll on you.

Things are getting better... i'm perking up a little bit.

The Taj Mahal

I'll admit, it's the love story behind the Taj Mahal that made me want to see it so badly. In reality, it is just another grand building. An English poet, Sir Edwin Arnold best describes it as "Not a piece of architecture, as other buildings are, but the proud passion of an emperor's love wrought in living stones." The fact that Shah Jahan loved his wife, Mumtaz Mahal so much that he built the Taj Mahal to house her dead body is fascinating. You can see pictures, but to understand what a grand undertaking this was, you really need to see it in person and see all the details. Any woman will tell you, it's all about the details. This guy definitely got it right!

Whether or not we will admit it, or we settle for less... I think deep down inside every woman (including myself) wants to be loved as much as Shah Jahan loved Mumtaz Mahal.

A sobering realization...

I was looking at the calendar and realized I leave Jaipur, and India altogether in about a week. Last week the extreme temperatures (111* F/44* C) were starting to get to me and I started counting the days before leaving, longing for them to pass swiftly. Now I find myself not wanting to leave. I think there's several reasons for this sudden longing to stay here in Jaipur.

First, I've made wonderful friends here and it does feel a little like home. I will miss my friends and the feeling of being with family at home... not so much the city and weather though! Second, I'm leaving a part of my heart here in India. It's always hard to leave somewhere that your heart remains. And finally, I'll be out on my own again, alone. Starting all over, brand new, in a new country where I have to learn how it all works, all over again. I got a little settled here in India and now it's time to uproot and keep moving. It scares me a little. I know that's silly, I'm on the other side of the world. But when you've become familiar and comfortable with a country, it makes it a little harder to move onto another country. New faces, new languages, new money, new customs, new everything!

YWAM

Youth With A Mission.....

I know I've mentioned YWAM a time or two. It's a Christian organization with an emphasis on missions and equipping (mainly young, thus 'Youth') people to go out into the world and do missions work. The introductory course that anyone who wants to advance in any way in YWAM is the Discipleship Training School (DTS). They have a whole university program where you can graduate with a legitimate degree in certain fields.

That's who I've been staying and working with while here in Jaipur. I did my DTS with them way back in 99 in Melbourne, Australia. One group here in Jaipur is from Perth, Australia and another group who stayed for two nights was from Romania. There are YWAM bases located worldwide.

I didn't realize how much I missed the YWAM lifestyle until recently. I got so used to being alone and isolated, I forgot how much fun it is to live in a community of like-minded people. But the most amazing part of YWAM is the diversity it offers. Tuesday night when everyone was here, there were 11 countries represented and almost as many languages spoken.

After the BBQ on Tuesday, we had a spontaneous time of worship and prayer and seeing the different nationalities and hearing the different languages being used during prayer was breathtaking. It was like a movie trailer for heaven. Just a peek, a glimpse, a tease, a fraction of the idea of what heaven will really be like. With every nation, tongue and tribe worshiping and praising our amazing God. It left me speechless and breathless. I can't wait to see what the real thing is like!!

Spa day at Mother Teresa's!!

I continue to go to the Mother Teresa house with the expectation that I'll be helping them and in turn, I end up being the one helped.

Today, Navita was back from the hospital. Which made me happy, because she wasn't there last week, I got a little worried about what was going on with her. As it turns out, the operation must have been planned because she had some skin grafting done. So today, instead of clipping nails and doing laundry, I spent the day sitting on her bed visiting with her. Her sister Kavita brought out the nail polish and I ended up getting a manicure and pedicure. My fingernails are now a very pretty shade of sparkly pale pink and I have bright red toe nails!

As I learned more of Navita and Kavita's story today, I was surprised I didn't burst into tears. I knew a little, but today I got a bit broader of a scope. I know I've had some challenges in my life, but nothing compares to these two girls.

Navita is 15 and Kavita is 16. They are parentless. Not sure when or how exactly this happened, but Navita has told me more than once that she has no parents. As it turns out, they've been traveling to different Missions of Charity homes working since they have no parents. Completely taking care of each other and themselves. Pulling their own weight in a house where the work is tedious and exhausting. I couldn't believe it when Navita told me this. I knew she was at the house in Jaipur, staying for a while, but I didn't realize that they just moved from one house to another working. Navita leaves the house in July to go to boarding school, which she seems to be excited about.

In addition to having to take care of yourself at such a young age, Navita suffered a horrible accident in December, from which she is VERY lucky to have survived. She was on the terrace of a building and an electrical cable fell down onto her head. She was electrocuted and has burns on the top of her head and you can see where the electricity left her body on her feet. This is why she had skin grafting done. They grafted skin from the back of her head to the top, so that hair will be able to grow on the top of her head. And then grafted skin from her thigh to the back of her head. Can you imagine being 15 years old, when your self esteem is probably the most fragile and having to have a shaved head and facing the prospect of not being able to have a normal head of hair?! I asked her if she was excited about her hair growing back and she said yes, she also showed me how long her hair was before the accident.

Another lesson that India continues to teach me is confidence and being able to have the ability to joke about my body and my imperfections. Navita is dark, not dark like some, but she's not fair either. One of the big things here is being fair, white, you're automatically beautiful if you're white. It doesn't matter if you have an ugly face or not. So during the course of our time visiting, Navita, Kavita and some of the other ladies started joking that they should have taken my extra skin, because I'm so big, and grafted it onto Navita so she could be fair. It was actually pretty funny. But if someone had said something like that two months ago, I would have been mortified. But now, I can laugh at myself and not out of embarrassment or courtesy, but out of genuine good humor. I am confident and content enough with myself to see the humor in the comments now.

Good Intentions....

When I first arrived in India I had some salwaar suites made. Four pretty extravagant, nice ones that are good for church, weddings, special occasions. And then a couple salwaar shirts, two that I wear quite often because they are light and cool. So I've been interested in seeing if any of the retail stores have ready made shirts that I could add to my wardrobe that would fit me.

Everything in India is smaller when it comes to sizes. Yesterday I tried to get some of the really pretty, colorful, cool shoes that Rajasthan is known for. And similar to home, none of them fit. I could get them on, but boy were they tight. I was assured they would stretch and fit me, but that would take a LOT of stretching. I chose not to take the chance of them never stretching quite enough, so I didn't get them.

So today I was at a mall with a couple people that are becoming very dear friends. We went to EasyDay which is essentially Wal-mart, they had shirts up to xxl. But just like the shoes, boy were they small!! We checked a couple other stores, and it was the same story.

I know her intentions were good and pure, but it was a very funny and classic moment when she suggested I go into Mommy & me. I told her there was no way I was going to a maternity store to try and get a shirt. It took them a few moments of looking at the mannequins to realize what type of store it was. We all had a good laugh!!

2 months in India!

I remember when I was planning this trip and the initial reason for spending so much time in India; how elated I was and then as plans changed, but the time in India stayed the same, the fear that I felt about being in such a radically different country for such a long time. I wondered if I would be able to pull it off, I even had a back up plan of running off to Nepal or somewhere until it was time to catch my flight from Chennai to Sri Lanka.

Now I look back and realize I've been in India for two months. What was once a fascinating and intimidating country has become a second home to me. There are things that I don't give a second glance any longer because it's just India, and that's how things are done here. Spending so much time here has definitely put a new spin on how I approach life.

I went from a person that had to have every aspect of everything planned when I left the US, to a person who realizes that life contains many twists and turns and I'll get to my destination eventually, one way or another. Germs and dirt make you stronger. I was never a germaphobe... never one of those people who felt a constant urge to use hand sanitizer. But I liked things to be relatively clean.... by western standards. Yeah, that's gone out the window!! A little dirt, some germs and bacteria aren't going to do anything to you except maybe strengthen your immune system some. Nothing in India is clean by western standards... it's clean by Indian standards, which is a COMPLETELY different set of standards. But it works... I haven't gotten to horribly sick, I've survived, I've lived to tell the tale.... so it must not be all THAT dirty. Oh and clean cold drinking water. I have a new found appreciation for this simple basic part of life that we take for granted at home. I even took it for granted in Calcutta because the place I stayed had a water purifier that also cooled the water. Here in Jaipur where it's supposed to be 109* today they just have a purifier...... you have to fill your bottle and put it in the freezer. Unfortunately, there are several people from Australia staying here and the freezer is a little over worked at the moment and cold water to drink is a thing of the past. :(

After my time in India, I will NEVER be the same. I will try my best to maintain the appreciation I've gained for American luxuries. I will fight to keep the attitude of gratitude and maintain the relaxed outlook on life.

Bodily functions and India

I continuously post random toilet events on my facebook account and have never thought about doing a blog post about them. Which is odd, because India brings instant thoughts of diarrhea, stomach troubles and unsavory toilets to most peoples minds. Then I was talking to my mom the other day and she mentioned that all her co-workers have toilet humor conversations and my FB postings have added fuel to the poo fire!

Sooo, to the faculty at COTH... this one's dedicated to you! :)

By the way, this post is not for the weak of stomach or easily offended. So if you're grossed out by toilet humor and bodily functions that everyone experiences.... quit reading now!

I've managed to make it through the majority of my time in India without any major stomach problems, up until the last couple of weeks. On the way back to Calcutta from Darjeeling I got a nasty stomach bug. I found myself climbing down from the top of a triple bunk bed and making my way to the toilet on the train at about 1 in the morning. In general, having to use the toilet in India is not necessarily a pleasant experience! Luckily, the places I've stayed at have had western toilets, and I've managed to avoid having to use a squatty potty except for a time or two. Thankfully, enough tourists use the Indian trains that they've included a western toilet as one of the options on the train. Squat toilet on one side of the train car, western on the other side of the train car. Another fortunate thing for me in this instance is that the sink is right next to the toilet. Which means that when you are sitting on the toilet, crapping everything you ate out onto the train tracks you can easily lean over and puke the remaining remnants into the sink. I wonder if this could be considered multi-tasking? And yes, you read that earlier sentence correctly.... the toilets have no reservoir, everything is immediately relocated to the train tracks as soon as it leaves your body! This makes waiting for your train at the train station and aromatically disturbing experience!! The other fortunate thing about getting sick on a train in india, or really any standard non tourist toilet in India is the smell. It stinks!! It's stomach churningly stinky. Typically this would be disturbing, however when you feel the urge to puke rising in your stomach, you don't have to wait as long for it to actually be over and done with. The aroma of the toilet will help speed along the process. All I had to do was take some deep breaths while i was emptying my bowels and the vomiting had commenced! Unfortunately after round one of this delicate dance with the Indian train toilet I wasn't done. I didn't feel quite normal yet so I sat around the bathroom waiting for round two, and three and yes, even four. There was a cockroach hanging out with me... I named him Ralph. No, i'm not kidding, I really did name him.

That was phase one of my stomach troubles in India and happened about 2 weeks ago. It took me a few days before my stomach didn't turn at the smell of food, but I bounced back and had my appetite back within about 4 days. This brings us to phase two...

Saturday I decided to indulge in Pizza Hut. By the way, since I left home in February, this is only the third time I've eaten American food! I haven't been eating much at the base because... well just because, I won't get into specifics. So I was hungry and wanted some familiar food that I knew would taste good and i could pig out on. Everything was going great, until about an hour after I'd eaten. I suddenly had an urge to run to the bathroom. Of all the things I've eaten in India... and I've eaten some stuff, Pizza Hut is what gives me diarrhea the consistency of water. Go figure! I thought, oh, it's just the grease/oil, it'll pass in an hour or two. Oh no, this liquid poo lasted for 3 days!! We are talking absolutely NO solidity to the state of it at all. It sounded like pee and had the consistency of pee... well chunky pee, I checked. I actually thought of the term, liquid gold, that's what it reminded me of. LOL! Ok, that was gross, even for me that might have gone to far.

Oh but I'm not done...

Hopefully this isn't a phase, but for the sake of being consistent, we'll say phase three of my stomach issues. Just this morning (hopefully no one in Jaipur will be reading this!) I was in the kitchen chopping stuff up for breakfast when I felt the urge to fart. Typically I fart in the open, as long as it's not loud, with no remorse. There's always a smell in India so no one would even know you farted, they'd just pass it off as the constant aroma of India. So, here I am, minding my own business, alone in the kitchen, chopping onions, relaxing myself to let out a fart when lo and behold... that was not JUST a fart!! I scurry away to the bathroom to confirm what I feared, and even worse... liquid gold was back! Luckily, that was it's solo appearance for the day, and so far I haven't had any recurrences. Here's a tip for anyone who might decide to take a trip to India... do NOT buy new underwear for your trip. It will be a waste of money! Take old pairs that are holey and already stained.... you'll thank me for this tip some day!!

And one final thought... men have it so much easier here. On many levels, but the most prominent being that they can pee whenever and wherever they want. It doesn't matter where you're at, you don't have to look far to find a man standing with his legs spread and a stream of liquid exiting him. I've seen this in a field with the guy driving the motorcycle waiting at the side of the road, i've seen this against a wall at a busy street, absolutely no discretion at all! Everywhere you turn, there's a guy peeing. Oh to be a man in India!!

Dance Party at Mother Teresa's!!

I'm not sure if I mentioned it or not, but since I've arrived in Jaipur, I've continued working at a Mother Teresa house while here. This one is a home for both men and women. Housing sick, injured and mentally unstable people.

This morning a group of students from a local school came in to sing for the residents. After the guys left the girls sections, the girls of the group put on some Indian music and a dance party ensued. It was quite fun to watch the older ladies bust a move and I could only imagine how they must have been when they were younger.

The work here is different from what I did at the home in Calcutta. Here it's spending some time with the women when I first arrive, which is more than likely followed by doing laundry and occasionally I'm lucky enough to work in the kitchen.

The first day, they gave me a bowl of garlic and told me to peel and chop garlic. I remember thinking, that's it. I've been reduced to peeling and chopping garlic. My attitude quickly changed as some thoughts crossed my mind. The laundry is a very physically involved task, it's not a matter of throwing everything into a washing machine. All their laundry is washed by hand. I'm gonna have some major biceps by the time I leave Jaipur. And the laundry isn't pleasant. Typically the aroma of urine is in the air as we're washing sheets and today another pleasant toilet smell filled my nose while I was doing the laundry. This morning I also had the privilege of cutting the women's finger and toe nails. As I was armed with the clippers and looking at thick, dirty nails that didn't belong to me or a loved one of mine the feeling of disgust and superiority flashed thru my mind. When quickly, the same thoughts as when I was peeling and chopping garlic came into mind again. Whatever you do for the least of these, you do for me (Matt 25:40) that might be slightly paraphrased. It's puts the less than glamorous work into a whole new perspective!!

If nothing else, working at the Mother Teresa houses proves to be a constant lesson in humility, humbleness and servanthood. Lessons I don't regret learning, even if they aren't pleasant all the time. Lessons that I'm sure will serve me well throughout my lifetime. Lessons that I will be eternally grateful for. And when it comes down to it, lessons that I enjoy learning. Seeing the look of gratitude on the faces of the women while cutting their nails.... the intimacy of that act, the realization that they might be all alone in this world and I can show them love and kindness, that I have a real, unmistakable, irreplaceable opportunity to be Jesus with skin on.... that is the best part of these lessons learned at Mother Teresa's house.

A Hard Broken Heart

I do not like to cry!! I might even say I hate crying.

I can't tell you exactly when this aversion to crying began, except that it was sometime during my relationship with Alex. When I left him, I refused to cry. I had already cried so much during the relationship because of him, I didn't want to give him the power of causing more tears. That's a pretty sick statement, but it was a pretty sick relationship!

I realized today that during the course of my relationship with Alex, my heart went hard. I didn't allow myself to feel things or be open. Part of this was a defense mechanism on many levels. That doesn't mean it was or is healthy. I have also realized that I have a lot of tears that should have been shed over the last few years that I have kept bottled up and buried deep within me.

While the healing process of making a broken heart become whole takes place some tears have been shed. Probably not as many as a normal person would shed, but a lot for me. Until the last week. I have been a little bit of a mess! Crying for no reason. Well, I say no reason, but I have very valid reasons to cry. I've been unable to keep the tears in, despite my best efforts and intentions.

This morning during the group prayer and worship time I started crying and I couldn't really stop. No one will ever understand how embarrassing this is for me. Crying is not allowed!!! I feel like an idiot when I cry.

I had a revelation today....
I was never meant to have a hard heart. No one is meant to have a hard heart for that matter. But I realized today that God is in the process of making my heart soft again. Which means me overcoming my hang ups about crying as well as getting all those tears and feelings out that I've had bottled up inside of me for so long.

My broken heart healing process is three fold. I grieve the loss of Jeff. I grieve the loss of Alex, even if he was a jerk, and it's over 3 years over due. And I allow my heart to soften again; to allow myself to cry again. To cry and not be ashamed.

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's day to my mom and all my friends who are moms!!

I actually completely forgot about mother's day till someone here mentioned it was on Sunday. This is the second year I've been out of the country. Last year I was in Italy. I did manage to arrange something at the last minute though for my mom. Even if the florist messed it all up and now I have to sort it out. Oh well... it's the thought that counts. And I'd rather have her get a botched bouquet than nothing at all, like last year.

I realized last night at dinner, I look forward to the day when I can celebrate Mother's Day as a mom. One day.....

D-Day

It's decision day!!

So, it seems that my issues I was having have been sorted out. I'll have to continue to see how things develop. But at the moment, they're settled enough for me to say I am continuing on with the trip as originally planned! Which means I won't be homeward bound until mid November.

Over the course of the last month, there have actually been several decisions that have been made. I was asked to be on staff with YWAM in Jaipur and I made a final decision about that as well. I made today my "date" for determining that. And the answer is no. When I wrote the original post it may have sounded like I was leaning towards yes. Which I was at the time. But after a LOT of prayer and thinking and evaluating I decided against it. This trip, this time, is MY time. That sounds selfish, but I think I'll be robbing myself of some spectacular moments, in several regards. I'm not ready to start investing and pouring into other people's lives. I still need my time of being poured into! There were actually SEVERAL things that led me to the decision I made, this just happens to be the biggest.

I don't know if this can be classified as a decision or a revelation, or maybe a bit of both. But I've decided once I do get home to pursue an education in international finance so I can follow through with doing micro-financing and go back to Calcutta to call home and do micro financing there. This is something that will take years to accomplish, so i'm not moving to India tomorrow or anything. But it's something that will impact several areas of my life. The biggest being my dream to have a family.

I've come to a point where I have to choose between following God's dream or my dream. I've chosen God's dream. Although it means I may never get married and have a family... I'm willing to make that sacrifice because I know I'll never be happier than in the middle of His plan for me. I'm already excited about going to school to study and coming back to Calcutta to do this. Even if it is a bit bittersweet at the thought of doing it all alone. I know God can work miracles and there's a possibility of a guy out there somewhere who shares a heart for Calcutta. But at this point in time, I need to embrace the idea of doing this alone and being single..... FOREVER!

I know God will work it all out the way He sees fit, even if I don't understand it.

Global Events

Osama bin Laden was killed today by the U.S. military. Technically, May 1 in the states, but it was May 2 when news broke here in India.

While part of me wants to be happy that the mastermind behind the horrible 9/11 attacks has been killed. The reality that there is someone waiting to take his spot and run with the torch hasn't allowed me any time to relish in the significance of this event. well, it's given me ample thought about the significance of this event, but the thoughts have been far from positive.

I wish I could join my fellow Americans in rejoicing over his death. But the reality of it is this is just more fuel to their fire. Granted, there's nothing we could do, short of all us evil westerners dying, that would ever make an extreme group like this happy. But I read an article in one of the Indian papers the other day that said if Osama was ever captured or killed they would retaliate against Europe and America; and I believe they will. This also leads me to believe they knew the possibility of this was becoming a reality. And even scarier, it means they've had time to think and plan!

We fool ourselves into thinking we are secure; we live in our safe little bubbles. But if a group of people sick enough to kill themselves in an effort to kill others (suicide bombing!) wants to do something to us, they WILL find a way. It doesn't help us, that our news sources like to broadcast the most recent weaknesses in different infrastructures and security points. Let's just hand them an instruction manual on how to penetrate our country and the most unguarded, effective ways to kill large quantities of people. I myself can think of ways to cause significant damage, and i'm not nearly as devious, experienced or as sick as the people in this organization.

It's a new and slightly scary thought for me; to realize that I'm safer traveling abroad where I am, than if I was at home. I was talking to my mom and asking her to make sure she's available via cell phone and actually answers it, especially in the case of some sort of tragedy striking America and to be safe. She in turn told me to be safe while I traveled. I told her I'm in India, Sri Lanka and Africa over the course of the next few months. I don't have anything to worry about! These are the last places they are going to try to attack, it would be pointless for them.

I will continue to be safe, to follow my gut and to exercise caution as I always do. I hope that my friends in America will start and/or continue to do the same. The world is changing. We don't live in an untouchable bubble any longer and we need to start recognizing that.

By the way, going forward, i'm from Canada... eh!

noses and toes-es

The nose ring is gone!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, I know I just got it a few weeks ago, if it was even that long ago. I knew this could happen, I knew there was a possibility of me getting a keloid again. And it did. This is the reason why I got rid of my nose piercing last time. I'd rather not have one, than have a big bubble of flesh surrounding it. Which is what happened.... again. But this one was worse, it got cut open and wouldn't heal. I give up on nose rings. I wanted to suck it up, stick it out, see if i could overcome the keloid. Especially after all the trauma of getting the nose ring to begin with. Vanity won though.

The other random thing I wanted to mention... i found out that my crazy, funky, midget pinky toes (the same ones that people would tease me about!) mean I'm lucky here in India!

Jaipur versus Calcutta

I've been in Jaipur for a week now and have had some time to see and experience a little bit of the city. The biggest thing I've noticed, Jaipur and Calcutta couldn't be more different if they tried. I think the only thing that they really have in common is the smell of India. In fact, if I didn't know better, I would think that they weren't even in the same country!

For instance....

Jaipur is pretty..... Calcutta is pretty ugly
Jaipur is hot and dry.... Calcutta is hot and humid
Jaipur has camels pulling carts of stuff... Calcutta has wiry Indian men pulling rickshaws
Jaipur is clean... Calcutta is dirty
Jaipur has men wearing loose flow-ey all white clothes complete with white turbans working in the fields... Calcutta has men wearing trousers and button up shirts driving yellow cabs
Jaipur has monkeys... Calcutta has rats, the size of monkeys

While overall Jaipur is more pleasing to the palate.... my heart still belongs to Calcutta.

Complaint Department

There are not many things in India that bother me. I can look past the stares, the dirt, the smells. Although if you ask me at the right time and the right place, I may take that back about the smells.

But there are two things that get under my skin to no avail about being in India.

The first one, everyone expects me to eat more than I do. I know I am a big woman. I'm tall and fat, have big hands and big feet. I'm not the typical tiny, petite little India. I stand out wherever I go. However, just because i'm the size I am, does NOT mean that I can eat an entire bag of rice. I was going to say an entire side of beef, but they don't eat beef here and at this point in time, I might actually be able to pull that one off because i miss beef. Regardless, I eat to the point that I'm satisfied and I get looked at as if "that's it!? But you're so big, you must be able to fit more food in there somewhere!". I know it's all in good intentions. Indians are very hospitable and food is a big part of their life as is being able to share their food and ensuring the satisfaction of those around them. But for once, I wish they would understand the meaning of "no, i'm full, thank you!".

The second is their belief that because I'm a big western woman, i'm incapable of walking any length of distance. Again, I know this is meant in their best interest of taking care of me. But I like walking. Walking helps me lose weight, which has definitely been happening. Walking helps keep me healthy and fit. Just because I'm big, doesn't mean I can't or won't walk a mile in the hot sun. If anything, because I'm big is all the more reason for me to do so. For several reasons, weight loss being one, and proving that big people can do all the stuff the wiry little Indians can do as well.

That's all for the complaint department. I just had to get it off my chest. It'd been bugging me for awhile now and today just added some more to it to the point of needing to vent. :)

Choices and Decisions

I find myself within about 10 days of when I need to make a decision about what route this trip is going to take. Originally my choices were to either cut the trip short or hang in there for the whole duration. While at one point, I thought the issues that arose to make me have to even consider this decision had been sorted. I've since realized that they haven't. I'm still trying to sort things out. However, now my choices have multiplied.
Not only have my choices multiplied, but they are things that I've always wanted to pursue. I'm having doors opened to me that I never would have imagined. Also I'm realizing that I might be having to strengthen my faith muscles quite a bit.
I've been asked, a few times, to pray about being on staff here in Jaipur with the YWAM team I'm currently staying with. They mentioned this before I ever left the states, but I was so caught up with the entire trip that I didn't give it as much thought as I should have. Now that I'm here, and especially now that I've learned a little more about the city, I'm starting to wonder if this is indeed where I'm meant to be for a bit. A bit longer than I'd originally intended.
I've been given the opportunity to refine my talents in photography in a way that can bring glory to my amazing God. While at the same time, I learned this morning that Jaipur is a city that is hard for a woman to live in. Girls are forced to marry at very young ages, female babies are aborted, simply because they are female, there are lots of different areas of oppression for women here. This might explain why i've been feeling the way i have for the last few days. Not really like myself. But it also breaks my heart for the women here. Because of the things I've been through in my life, I have a soft spot for women. More so than just the fellow woman sympathy for things that people go through. But I find myself genuinely wanting to help women overcome challenging, crippling circumstances.
I suddenly find myself asking, where else can I go and be fulfilled both creatively and spiritually?
But I also find myself looking at my bank account and asking, how is this going to work!?
If I make the wrong decision, the impact could be devastating. It could be devastating either way really... to miss an opportunity that God has dropped in my lap could have just as large of an impact as running out of money while I'm serving him in a foreign country. Just different impacts.
I said to God, if you want me to do this, then make x, y & z happen. It's not that I doubt that he'll meet my requirements. But it's that, if I make him take away the challenges, how do I learn to grow in my faith? But that also brings me back to, what if I make the wrong decision and run out of money. I guess what part of that boils down to at the end of the day is, as long as I'm serving God, he'll take care of me. But I've been out of his will for so long, I want nothing more than to make sure I'm wholeheartedly wrapped in it now.

Decisions, decisions.....

Darjeeling

I went on an impromptu trip to Darjeeling with some ladies that I met while in Calcutta. We left as traveling companions and returned as friends!

It was the first time I've ever taken a sleeping train, much less one in India. I had the wonderful privilege of having the middle bunk, of three and was beyond exhausted on our arrival. It was a beautiful 3 hour drive up windy treacherous roads. I'm actually amazed I didn't get car sick. And we made sure we locked the doors so no one would fall out.

The few days we were there were full of eating. We ate a LOT! Including having high tea at the one fancy hotel in Darjeeling. And also rode the toy train, went to tiger hill to see the sunrise. Which no one saw because it was so cloudy. We also toured a tea plantation on the way back down the mountains.

End with the grand finale of me getting horribly sick on the train ride back home. This time I was on the top bunk of three. There's nothing quite like having to climb down in the middle of the night and puking and crapping your brains out in an Indian train toilet. If this can be avoided, I would highly recommend the avoidance route to any fellow travelers!

Regardless, I made it home safe and sound. Had a few new "moms" to take care of my sick self when we got home and survived enough to head off to Jaipur the following day. Even if I wasn't a lot of fun to be around that last day in Calcutta.

A few pictures for your viewing pleasure!! :)