The problem with life plans, is that they seldom go according to plan. I'm pretty sure that's my own spin on some sort of famous quote that i don't have the time or the gumption to research the original source right now. Maybe Benjamin Franklin, or Thomas Edison or someone old, dead, wise and fancy like that.
I had planned on writing this post about two weeks ago, but obviously it didn't happen. Which is probably for the best, because two weeks ago I was in a very different mindset than I am now. I was mad, hurt, mad, confused, mad, depressed, mad... because once again, my life wasn't looking like I had planned it to look.
Here's a timeline of what my life plans have been:
Late teens/Early twenties life plan:
Married by 25, kids by 28
Twenty-five came and went and I was still single and still no kids.
Granted, I had done some travelling, lived in Australia for 6 months and definitely was enjoying life
Mid twenties life plan:
Married by 28, kids by 30
Twenty-eight came and went and I was still single and still no kids.
Granted, I had survived a horribly abusive relationship and I was fortunate to not have any kids as a by-product of that.
Late twenties life plan:
Married by early 30's, kids by 35
My early thirties came and went and I was still single and still no kids.
Granted, I had traveled around the world by myself for 5 months, had put my life back together from the fiasco of my former relationship, had learned how to live alone, had developed an amazing relationship with God. Many, many, many good things came during this period of singleness.
Early thirties life plan:
Married by 35, kids by 38.
I am 35 and I am still single and I still have no kids.
Granted, I have relocated, live downtown, changed careers, am going to school, ditched the car, have lost weight, am more active and healthier than I've ever been, enjoy my life more than I ever have and have a ticket to India booked for November.
I truly believed that I heard God tell me that I was going to meet my husband and have that relationship begin in 2014. I had people come alongside me and tell me they believed that along with me. I was unstoppable. I kept myself open. I put myself out there. I put my plans for my life on hold so that I would be available to any and every guy I met who could possibly be the one. I even dated one guy for about a month, and he was East Indian. I thought I'd hit the jackpot. Except that God very clearly told me he was not the one for me. So I reluctantly let that go, despite the fact that I felt like I would be missing the boat if I walked away from the relationship. Regardless of how unfulfilled it left me. I was going to be obedient, because I knew God had the best for me, somewhere.
And yet, here I am now. It's 2015. I'm 35... and a half. I am still single and I still have no kids. I missed my boat. Why did God not come through with what I felt I so clearly heard him tell me. Why am I still waiting. Why is everyone else's life moving forward while mine is stuck in "SINGLE". I spent that last month of 2014 wading into the pool of misery, depression, anger, self-pity and rebellion and fully submerged myself into that pool during January and have spent the first half of February working my way back out.
My life plan now...
Achieve a double major degree and have a kid via good old fashioned science by 40.
Wouldn't it be ironic if this go around my life plan wasn't achieved because of a relationship and marriage.
I had planned on writing this post about two weeks ago, but obviously it didn't happen. Which is probably for the best, because two weeks ago I was in a very different mindset than I am now. I was mad, hurt, mad, confused, mad, depressed, mad... because once again, my life wasn't looking like I had planned it to look.
Here's a timeline of what my life plans have been:
Late teens/Early twenties life plan:
Married by 25, kids by 28
Twenty-five came and went and I was still single and still no kids.
Granted, I had done some travelling, lived in Australia for 6 months and definitely was enjoying life
Mid twenties life plan:
Married by 28, kids by 30
Twenty-eight came and went and I was still single and still no kids.
Granted, I had survived a horribly abusive relationship and I was fortunate to not have any kids as a by-product of that.
Late twenties life plan:
Married by early 30's, kids by 35
My early thirties came and went and I was still single and still no kids.
Granted, I had traveled around the world by myself for 5 months, had put my life back together from the fiasco of my former relationship, had learned how to live alone, had developed an amazing relationship with God. Many, many, many good things came during this period of singleness.
Early thirties life plan:
Married by 35, kids by 38.
I am 35 and I am still single and I still have no kids.
Granted, I have relocated, live downtown, changed careers, am going to school, ditched the car, have lost weight, am more active and healthier than I've ever been, enjoy my life more than I ever have and have a ticket to India booked for November.
I truly believed that I heard God tell me that I was going to meet my husband and have that relationship begin in 2014. I had people come alongside me and tell me they believed that along with me. I was unstoppable. I kept myself open. I put myself out there. I put my plans for my life on hold so that I would be available to any and every guy I met who could possibly be the one. I even dated one guy for about a month, and he was East Indian. I thought I'd hit the jackpot. Except that God very clearly told me he was not the one for me. So I reluctantly let that go, despite the fact that I felt like I would be missing the boat if I walked away from the relationship. Regardless of how unfulfilled it left me. I was going to be obedient, because I knew God had the best for me, somewhere.
And yet, here I am now. It's 2015. I'm 35... and a half. I am still single and I still have no kids. I missed my boat. Why did God not come through with what I felt I so clearly heard him tell me. Why am I still waiting. Why is everyone else's life moving forward while mine is stuck in "SINGLE". I spent that last month of 2014 wading into the pool of misery, depression, anger, self-pity and rebellion and fully submerged myself into that pool during January and have spent the first half of February working my way back out.
My life plan now...
Achieve a double major degree and have a kid via good old fashioned science by 40.
Wouldn't it be ironic if this go around my life plan wasn't achieved because of a relationship and marriage.
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