I've decided....

To not make a decision till the beginning of May. I'm going to see if I can sort out the things that need to be sorted in California while I'm in India. And even if they can't be sorted, I still have time to consider what route I'll take.

May 5 is my decision date. A good way to celebrate cinco de mayo! :)

At that point in time, I'll still have time to cancel things if need be and to book tickets as needed. Maybe now, with more time to consider, ponder, pray, seek and finally decide, I can relax a bit more and hopefully shake this cold I seem to be picking up. Saying I have a cold in such a freaking HOT country seems a bit ironic. But there really isn't a better way to describe what's going on with my body.

I'm rambling... because I'm bored... because yet again, no volunteer work this week for me. I told them I was going to leave Calcutta if they didn't give me something to do, so I've been promised that it will resume next week. When I stop and think about it, it's probably a good thing I wasn't surrounded by kids this week with the state of distress and confusion my head has been in. That could have been a very scary scenario! For the kids and for me! It still amazes me how God works everything out for good.

You know what else I've noticed is my spelling and grammar is going down the toilet. Not sure why, but I can't seem to spell the right word that I'm thinking of. Or I skip the proper ending. I feel like my brain is turning to mush!

a list...

I've had the same prompting a few times this last week, since my heart has reached some closure with the Jeff thing. Not sure if I ever mentioned it, but I did finally hear from him. A very short text telling me to stop calling him. That was all I wanted. Some recognition.

Anyways, back to the topic at hand. I've had this prompting to make a list of what I want in my husband. I used to have a list many years ago, filled with lots of physical attributes. Somewhere along the line that list was abandoned. I think because I felt it was to superficial and/or unattainable. Either way, if you don't have a standard to uphold, sometimes you end up settling for less. Part of the reason I think I've had this prompting is the person who I knew to be Jeff contained many qualities that I adored and enjoyed. He was essentially what I wanted and it was hard for me to imagine myself spending my life with anyone different.

So I made a list this morning. And I'll have you know, there's only three physical attributes listed; height, broad shoulders and good teeth. All the others are personality traits. I'm quite proud of myself. :) For not making a laundry list of the traits of Bradley Cooper, Johnny Depp, Gerard Butler and the likes of other similar men.

The rest of the list is for my eyes only. God knows what I want and I believe He'll be faithful in providing it at the right time.

random observations about India

1. Indian people are the friendliest most hospitable people I have ever had the privilege of encountering in my life. They will go out of their way to make sure you feel welcome and comfortable, wherever you are at. And all you really have to do to start an interaction with them is give them a genuine warm smile.

2. Indian people value cleanliness. Despite the fact that this country is dusty and ultimately dirty; I have never seen so many people obsessed with making sure things are clean. Ranging from people washing their cars quite regularly (makes me feel bad about how I've not taken care of mine) to people bathing in the streets to constantly sweeping and mopping in the guest house I'm currently in. They like things to be clean!

3. Indian people value their family! Family is the most important aspect of life in India. They love each other and look out for each other in ways that Americans should consider adopting. I need to treat my family better. And even if you aren't a biological family member, doesn't mean you aren't part of the family.

4. Indian people are happy. Americans do not know poverty the way Indians do. By that I mean, even the most down on their luck, homeless person in America is better off than a good chunk of Indians. Despite how hard their lives may be, they still smile, are happy, cherish their families, enjoy their lives and make the most of it. Don't mind the fact that they are sleeping on the sidewalk and their kids have no clothes. Literally, NO clothes. Not just a matter of only having a couple outfits, the kids are naked on the street! Seeing all of this definitely puts some things in perspective.

5. Indian people are affectionate. While it's taboo for opposite genders to touch each other unless they are family or married, it doesn't stop them from showing their affections towards each other. The men openly hold hands with each other and hang all over each other, as do the women. This can be a little confusing for an American girl from the San Francisco area. It just goes to show that the whole macho "men can't be affectionate with each other" is a stupid American thing.

Americans have a LOT of hangups.... and stupid ones at that. I wish that more Americans traveled. I haven't run in to very many Americans on my trip so far. Actually the first ones I've run into have been people here in India doing volunteer stuff. But I think if more of us got out and saw the world, the United States would become a better place. We have so many opportunities. Even the most unfortunate person has opportunities! I just wish we all realized it!

worry, boredom, loneliness

Something has come up in California that needs to be dealt with directly by me. Typically, this wouldn't be an issue. However, my current location makes things a little more complicated. As I continue to remind myself that God is in control and he's opened all the necessary doors to this point, it's still hard to not worry about it. I worry by nature, like it's built into me. I wasn't always like this, I don't know when this feature became such a normal one for me. But it has, and I'm learning how to take things as they come.

Of course the abundance of free time with not a whole lot of things or people to occupy it doesn't help to much either. Which unavoidably results in loneliness. I've noticed that I find myself missing home and friends the most in the mornings and in the evenings when I have nothing going on. My mind wanders to areas it shouldn't and it's a matter of keeping the floodgates of emotions closed and under control. Some days are harder than others. This weekend has been particularly hard. Not sure why, but it has been.

Part of me hopes that the stuff in California will cause everything to fall through so I have a legitimate excuse to go home early. I know that's lame. But at the same time, the majority of me doesn't want to lose this opportunity or have to cut it short for any reason.

It's just kind of a messy weekend.

Heaven!!

It was hot, dirty, dusty and I was covered in sweat. But oh was I in my element and having the time of my life!!

Today I went to a village school, the largest of the group, and started taking pictures for the updated profiles of the kids needing sponsors. I met the people I'd be working with at the volunteer house and we went from there, but not after the leader first exclaimed that I looked Indian... mission accomplished! I was a little intimidated at first, that this group was putting me in charge of their pictures. But soon settled into a rhythm, especially once the kids and I started interacting.

Can I please take like 5 of them home with me!? I promise to feed them and take care of them!

The kids were just as entertained with me as I was with them. And once they discovered I had tattoos, they were really entertained with me. By the end of the day, they were calling me Auntie, which is a sign of respect. It was mentioned that the kids were just as smitten with me as I was with them. I got the impression that it's typical for a westerner to come around and fall in love with the kids, but to have the kids be as delighted with a westerner as they were with me, wasn't as common. I was in my element! I felt alive and loved and like I was exactly where I was meant to be!

Today was a phenomenal day. I feel very at ease and at home with the people I'm working with. I might have to consider prolonging my time with them, or coming back again for round two. I'm definitely looking forward to tomorrow and the coming days!

Volunteer stuff

I had my initial meeting today with the organization I'm volunteering for. All the logistics have been discussed, scheduling and timing have been discussed and my battery is currently charging in preparation.

I start actually working Thursday at 7:30 AM and from the sounds of it, this project will take at least a couple weeks if not possibly the whole month that I'm here. I'm excited and looking forward to it. And it's nice to finally put a face with the organization.

I'm to report to the volunteer building at 7:30 and then we'll make our way to the specified school for the day and theoretically, I'll be back in Calcutta by noonish. Not a long day, but I have a feeling it'll be very intense. These are slum schools. I'm going to be seeing a side of India I haven't seen yet. And I have a feeling no amount of preparation will really prepare me for what I'm about to see. I'm excited!

A closed country?!

I just found out today from the girls I'm sharing a room with that India is a closed country. As a result, the post I had intended, will not be happening. I must stick to light hearted subjects and subjects not having to do with religion.

I think I'm in love....

... with Calcutta, people! Don't worry, I'm not running off with some little brown Indian man, I know you were all thinking that!

Between Holi yesterday, church this morning, hitting a couple sites this evening and ending the day with a trip to "new market" which is in fact very old, to see a tailor to have some Indian clothes made, where I also ran into a group of YWAMers who are staying the same place I'll be at starting tomorrow and rounding that experience off with a beer with my driver and tailor...

I'm quite content with this city and dare say I love it!! All the intimidation was worth it. Once you get through everything and reach the people who are sooooo friendly! Martin, the tailor, told me that I look very strong, but I have a soft heart. I told him I agreed and that my heart was to soft sometimes. Regardless, he said he likes me because of this and wants me to meet his American wife and spend some time with them. I might have a friend in this big city!

Anyways, I'm tired and I have a whole additional post regarding church in India versus church in America which I'll save for tomorrow. And then sometime in the next few days, you'll all be privy to a fashion show of my new Indian attire, complete with jewelery! I don't even want to think about how much money I spent tonight, but I was planning on getting some outfits and this is definitely something I can't get in America and custom made to my measurements, so well worth it in the end.

Happy Holi!!!

Last night at dinner, the manager of the guest house told me not to go out until after 3 this afternoon because people might spray me with water and powder. Little did he know that was part of the reason I arranged to be in India for this festival. I wanted to experience the celebration of spring in all of it's colorful wonder! So after a bit of debating on whether I was up to it or not, I left around 11am.

At first I was a little disappointed that I might have missed all the festivities. I saw people walking around colored up, but wasn't seeing anyone doing any of the coloring. But I continued on and walked to a little lake/park near where I'm staying. There were a group of people that called out to me hello and I waved and called hello back out to them. I sat on a bench and relaxed in the shade for a bit before a group of teenage boys came around, gave me an uneasy feeling and then started to bug me a little. The smallest and youngest of the group being extremely inappropriate. I kindly said Happy Holi and got up and left. I'm sure I could have easily managed myself if anything happened, but I don't need to stay in a situation where I feel uneasy. God gave us instincts for a reason!

On my way back out of the park, the same group called out hello to me again so I walked over to say hi and take some pictures of them. They had obviously been enjoying the Holi festivities. As I approached they indoctrinated me into Holi. Smearing my face and feet with the colored powder. I can't begin to tell you how happy and welcomed and not alone I felt at that moment. All of them wanted their turn to smear the white girl with the colors. One of the men said this was the best Holi... I'd have to agree.I left this group and the park and started my way back to the guesthouse. Enjoying the relative peace and quiet from the typical hustle and bustle of Kolkata. The looks I got from the Indians as I walked around with colors all over my face. They look at me funny as it is, but now, a white lady, very obviously not an Indian, looks like she's partaken in a messy fun vibrant festivity! This one older lady had the best reaction I think. She looked like she just witnessed a horrible crime and as I smiled at her, indicating I was pleased with my colors, she burst out with the biggest smile I've ever seen.

On the walk back, a group of young men who were presently celebrating Holi approached me and started putting more colors on me. I felt kind of bad because I had no powder to return the favor. So as I approached a street vendor, who I wanted to take some pictures of, I bought a small bag of green as a gesture of gratitude for allowing me the photos.

This I in turn gave to a young mother and her kid who live on the street of the guest house and were still spraying passer by's. Before she allowed me to give it to her, she took it and proceeded to put more color on my face and in my hair.

And then the staff's reaction as I arrived at the guest house covered in all these colors. They were shocked that I'd participated I think. The whole time I've been here, I've kind of kept to myself, staying in my room a lot and sorting thru emotions and what not. I've since cleaned up and still have streaks of pink on my face and green in my hair.

I wouldn't change anything about this day... it's been priceless!

Oh India!

The last few days have been an assault on my senses and emotions. But I think I'm finally starting to come around to normalcy.

Today's meltdown was averted. I forced myself to get out and saw the Victoria Memorial. I even took the subway..... WOW!!!!!!!!!! I can push and shove with the best of them. I have a ride on an Indian train under my belt to prove it. And shockingly, I didn't get groped. That sounds horrible I know, but it's a very real problem for women, especially foreign women, in India. Men take extra liberties with foreign women that they might not take with their own native women; but groping all around is an issue for all women in India. Everything about the train was a bit daunting though. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only westerner crazy enough to try some of the things I try. Either way, I opted for a cab ride home and probably got swindled because I don't know exactly how much to expect to pay for some things and the guy had to find my guest house which was stopping and asking where the street was every 2 minutes. I bet he'll never forget where Swiss Park is though. I paid him more than he asked since he went out of his way to make sure he got me to the right place.

This place is crazy. Literally! I'm ok with crossing dangerous streets, Cambodia prepared me for that. The poverty isn't shocking me either. I can't quite put my finger on what it is that's so different about this place, but there is definitely something. Maybe it's chaos in a way I've never seen chaos before. I don't know. But I wish I could find somewhere to just sit and people watch, because that would result in some amazing pictures and provide entertainment for hours. However, there's no where that I can go to blend in and just watch. And you can't just stand still somewhere because you'll be in the way. Everything is busy and moving and active. I'm definitely noticed by everyone who walks by me. It's becoming entertaining now, watching people and their reactions to me. Especially when they notice the tattoos!

Later today I need to find my way to a place to get a SIM card for my phone. I'm waiting for the owner to get back so I can get a copy of my guest house bill, they told me I'd need that. I also need to see about getting some local attire. Indian women are very modest and while I'm not flashing skin all over the place, my legs aren't completely covered either. I think if I had pants on, it might help me blend in a bit more. And I want the proper attire before I start doing volunteer work so that it doesn't hinder anything. And I'm thinking the stuff the women wear here is appropriate for the climate, and it's colorful and neat.

And the food, I've only had breakfast so far. I didn't eat dinner or lunch yesterday. But at the guest house they give you an indian dish with your breakfast and so far it has not let me down. I think I'm going to arrange to eat dinner here tonight.

Letting go..... Part 2

About a month ago, I wrote a quick vague post about personal stuff happening and my need to let go.

Well, I feel as if now is a good time to expound on what I was referring to. Partly because I'm suffering from a very broken heart at the moment. And while I had hoped that things would work out the way I wanted them to, I reached a point today where I realized that was probably not going to happen. Sometimes putting what you're going through out to the universe helps make you feel better... cheap therapy so to speak.

About 2 1/2 years ago when I was still fairly fresh out of my relationship with Alex, I started communicating with a guy online. He sent me a yahoo IM out of the blue (found me in a yahoo group I was in at the time) and even though I wasn't very warm and friendly because I didn't want to have anything to do with a guy, he went on to stroke my ego. Long story short, we started talking more and more, feelings developed on both sides, plans for the future were made, etc etc etc.

We'll call this guy Jeff and during the course of our relationship we shared all different kinds of facts about ourselves, lovely and unlovely. I came to learn that he'd moved from the SF bay area to India, Calcutta to be specific. By the way, he didn't sound overly Indian. I won't lie, this information factored into my plans as they developed and is part of the reason why I decided to spend so much time here. Originally he was beside himself with excitement, so I assumed, everything must be kosher on his end. Then in November things started falling apart. In December he claimed to have lost his job and told me he wasn't good enough for me and couldn't start a relationship with the woman he wanted to marry while he was unhappy with himself. I didn't push, gave him his space and he came around and things started resuming normalcy.

Except I didn't bring up my impending trip.... not until the end of January when it was time for me to book my trip. I felt I owed it to him to remind him of my plans and make sure he was fully aware of my plans before I booked my ticket. While part of me constantly wishes I could go back and re-do this moment, I believe everything works out in the end. So he started to get a little panicky on the phone and told me that he needed to process it and calm down and would call me the next day. I haven't heard from him since. I've tried texting him, no response. I've sent him messages on yahoo IM, no response. I've called and he doesn't answer my calls or call me back.

It hurts... being ignored suddenly by someone you love and who claimed to love you back and who brought up marriage and family and all those things a woman wants. So I kept hoping I'd be able to get in touch with him and at least meet this person that I'd talked to for so long at least for a cup of coffee. Put an actual person with the words and voice. This morning I was a mess. I couldn't stop crying. All I could really do was cry, and cry I did. God is a wonderful comforter. When I started feeling better I decided to do something I should have done a while ago. I already knew his cell phones were based in Mumbai, but it's not uncommon for someone to have a cell phone from a different area than where they're living. I know I did for a long time! I decided to look up a couple restaurants he'd mentioned in conversation, that he'd gone to, more than once. Turns out they're in Mumbai.

So now, the only thing I can really assume from all this, is he's lied. Been lying. Who knows what else he's lied about. It hurts yes, but more than that, it makes me mad! It also puts me in a position where I have no more hope to cling to. The only thing I really can do now, is let go, for real this time.

If nothing else, he helped remind me how to love myself and take care of myself and always told me how wonderful I was, which over time has sunk in that I do believe it again. So now, everyone knows my dirty little secret. The thing I kept so close to my chest and guarded, that would cause me to smile to myself and gave me happy butterflies. And it's all come to an end and now I have to pick up the pieces of my heart and move on with my life in my adventure.

the good, the bad and the bangkok

Today I went to the spa and was in heaven for the bulk of the day. It was wonderful.

Sophie even ended up staying a day longer than she'd originally planned. And through the course of conversations, turns out we have a lot more in common than you'd expect.

Unfortunately, I'm still in Bangkok for another day. And I don't want to be. I'm ready to move onto India.

I'm not sure how much of it is just I loved Cambodia so much and would rather be there than here, or if I'm just a little SE Asia'd out or if it's just that I really don't care for Bangkok as much as I'm feeling. I think it's the last one... I really don't like this city. I didn't want to come here to begin with, but the flight arrangements were such that I fly out of here. So rather than base my opinion on hearsay and speculation, I wanted to form an opinion legitimately.

Part of the reason I didn't want to come to Bangkok is all I would ever really hear about it is how it's a party location and child prostitution.

Well, it's a party location and there's young girls on the street selling their bodies and women being exploited in other ways. Sophie was telling me that one of the things Bangkok is famous for is the ping pong show... I naively asked what that was and she thought I was kidding. I'll try to keep this as g-rated as possible.... this show that is one of the things Bangkok is known for is when a woman hides and expels a ping pong ball out of her lady bits. Other items that can be used are razor blades and birds.

I'll be honest, there may have been a day in my past where I'd want to witness this just out of sheer and twisted curiosity. However, if there ever was a time like that, it was many years ago. After some of the things I've been through, that last thing I want to see or hear about is women and their bodies being exploited. One of the hardest parts to grapple regarding this is it's westerners who fuel these things and essentially condone and support these exploitations. It's old white geezers that you see with the young girls. It's western tourists going to the "shows" and the shows consist of much more than what was mentioned earlier.

It saddens me.

Adventures in Bangkok

The day started at 7am with breakfast and waiting for the bus to start my journey from Siem Reap to Bangkok. It took over three hours to actually cross the Cambodia/Thailand border. And we didn't get dropped off on the side of the road in Bangkok until dark. Literally on the side of the road on an off ramp or something like that.

But....

I met this fantastic British girl named Sophie! And we've had a blast tonight! Earlier, she planted the thought of a Mc Donald's cheeseburger in my head and I got stuck on the idea of a soda with ice. I will never take ice for granted ever again, along with that, the joy of having an ice cold refreshing beverage!

Anywhoo... she ended up checking into the same hostel with me and we went off in search of Mc Donald's. I was starving, hadn't eaten anything since breakfast. You'd think a cab would want to take our money, but we got into two separate cabs and neither would take us. We finally found a tuk tuk driver who was willing to take us to the golden arches. On the way, he presumed to tell us that we needed to walk back to the hostel to exercise. Then it was another hassle to get a taxi to get back to the hostel. Obviously, we didn't exercise.

Anyways, we've been hanging out and laughing since we got back and are both quite happy and content with the evening. To bad she's leaving tomorrow to head south towards the beaches.

lazy day....

I decided to take today off. I have plans tonight to go to a dinner show featuring traditional Khmer dancing and then will wander the night market after that. And my tuk tuk driver isn't around, which is probably a good thing, because I'd end up going out to do something. And I'm not feeling so hot and think I need to just spend a bit of time relaxing. So this will give me some time to jot down some thoughts I've been having both in my journal, which I haven't touched for a few days and on the blog.

The main recurring thought I have is how lucky I am to have been born and raised in the U.S. Whether or not I like what's happening in my native country, I've been blessed with things that as an American, I've taken for granted. Things that are rights that might be considered luxuries in other countries.

The biggest thing that comes to mind is an education. While as an individual it is our choice whether or not we pursue a higher education, but basic elementary through high school is typically required of a minor. It's the minority of people that don't graduate from high school. Whereas here in Cambodia, it's the minority of people who have the opportunity to have any schooling at all. Most kids are out at the tourist sites trying to sell knick knacks or with their families working in the home or field. The kids that do have the opportunity to go to school seem to actually enjoy it. They realize how lucky they are. It makes me wish that kids in the U.S. would realize how lucky and fortunate they are and take advantage of what's been given to them. When I have a family and kids, I will be taking them to countries like this while they are still young and impressionable. I want my children to see how other countries live first hand and to realize how fortunate they are. This of course, is assuming I have my family in the U.S. and not somewhere else.

Another thing I've come to appreciate is the stability of our government. Yes, the leaders do stupid things and things we don't agree with. But we've never really had to worry about a coup or some crazy overthrowing of the government. That's essentially what happened when the Khmer Rouge took over in the 70's here in Cambodia. It's one thing to see the pictures and read about what happened in the museums. It's horrifying that this happened so recently. I recent compared to WW1 & 2. Vietnam liberated Cambodia from the Khmer Rouge in 79, the year I was born, but their presence was still here and there was still much distress and anguish all the way up to 98, is when the Khmer Rouge finally dissolved. It puts a whole new spin on things when you meet someone who was a potential victim of the Khmer Rouge. Mooni, my tuk tuk driver in Battambang, his sister was killed by the Khmer Rouge and they were searching for him. He had to spend his childhood running and hiding from a group of people who wanted to kill him. He knows he's lucky to be alive. But could you imagine having to spend the time when you're like 12 having to hide... a time when you should be playing. Like I said, it puts it all into perspective when you hear someone's story who lived through it and survived it when they probably shouldn't have.

Anyways, that's the end of my deep thoughts.

The temples of Angkor

I've spent the last two days exploring the temples of Angkor. Let me just say, the Lonely Planet book is WRONG!!!!!!!!!!! I am all templed out. NO MORE TEMPLES!!!!!!!! Tomorrow I could go to a third grouping of them, but I'm opting out. Everything is starting to look the same and towards the end of today, I was just wandering around to entertain my driver since he took me there.

This morning I woke up early, before the sun early, and went to Angkor Wat to watch the sunrise. I had gone to bed without eating dinner and it was to early to get breakfast. Add to that, I'm not a morning person, much less a "the suns not out yet" morning person. I was pretty miserable to be around. Thankfully, I'm alone. It was so bad that during the sunrise at one point i was thinking... "this is it!?! This is what I dragged my ass out of bed for!?! You've GOT to be KIDDING me!!!!!!! I eventually changed my tune and started appreciating it. But could not wait to get back to the hotel and squeeze in a quick nap before breakfast and heading out for *sigh* more temples.

Anyways, here's a few pictures.

Floating Villages

In all my enjoyment of the regular villages surrounding Battambang, I completely forgot my desire to see the floating villages. Luckily for me, I took the boat from Battambang to Siem Reap. This was the LONGEST boat ride of my life. About 8 hours on a hard wooden bench. BUT, I got to see the floating villages and it was a very pretty boat ride. That being said, enjoy the view that I had.

Stairs, stairs and more stairs!

Today I went to Wat Banan and climbed up 358 excruciating steps. These are not the nice paved level steps that we're used to in modern life. These are steps from the 12th century, made out of rock, each one unique from the previous and some of them very steep. But I did it, I made it to the top, even though I thought I was going to die at one point. It was an intimidating and daunting sight at the beginning, and I don't know what possessed me to do it.





I guess wanting to see what was at the top...

Battambang, bamboo trains & bashed heads!

Where to start first!?!

So I met Mooni at 9 this morning and he proceeded to be my tour guide/translator and friend for the day. God remains faithful by bringing the right person along at the right time to combat the homesickness and keep me from feeling completely isolated and alone.

So we started the day by riding the bamboo train from one village to another. I dragged Mooni along with me so I wouldn't have to go alone. He's the one behind me on the right.


I'm actually pretty lucky to have experienced this because it will be stopped in June. They are going to build a new bridge and bring in a fast train. So the locals won't be able to run their bamboo trains any longer. The bamboo train is a flat little bamboo platform on some train axels with a motor and can quickly be assembled and disassembled when coming head on with another bamboo train.


Once we got to the village where they make the bricks, Mooni was showing me around the kiln and that's when it happened!


I turned around to step out of the kiln without looking or thinking and whacked my head on the support beam that I had to duck under to get into the kiln. I hit my head pretty damn hard... hard enough that i felt blood starting to trickle down my face and saw it dripping off my head. I'll be honest, i wanted to cry like a baby. Of all places for this to happen, why here!? But i sucked it up and handled it like a brave adult woman.


The villagers surrounded me and fussed over me and put their local remedies on it. Whatever potions and liquids and tobacco on my nose and head (in my hair) to help stop the bleeding, close the wounds and prevent swelling. It was actually pretty comedic at one point. I think half the village was there looking after me. After I felt ok and had a few moments to sit and collect my thoughts we rode the train back to the starting point.

Mooni decided to take me to the NGO hospital to make sure I wouldn't get infected before we continued our day of touring the countryside. After the doctors there confirmed i didn't need stitches and gave me some amoxocillin we were off. I saw all kinds of different things, people making things, kids playing, a couple weddings. At one point Mooni asked if i was ready for lunch and I told him yes and I wanted authentic Khmer food. So he took me to his regular lunch spot. I did as the locals do and it was delicious!

After today, I would count Mooni as a friend, not just a tuk tuk driver and tour guide. He took really good care of me and was genuinely concerned. But it's not really an adventure until you get hurt. If I learned anything during those years with Alex, it was how to take a blow to the head and keep on truckin. Today definitely proved I haven't lost that ability!

hello homesickness...

So it hit today, this afternoon. Not to horribly bad, but bad enough that I wanted to call my mom and I lingered on the thought of, life would be so much easier at home.

It's amazing what a difference in cities makes. I loved Phnom Penh, even though I was constantly getting laughed at. Not sure if it's because I'm a tall fat white girl or if it's the tattoos or all of the above. Regardless, the people were warm and welcoming.

Then about half an hour outside of Battambang I started getting a little panicky because I thought I might have missed my stop. It's hard because Khmer language is a bunch of squiggles. Very pretty squiggles, but squiggles nonetheless that I don't understand.

I made it though, safe and sound. The hotel sent a lovely tuk tuk driver to pick me up. Mooni, not sure if that's how it's spelled, but it's pronounced, moon-ee. He's been the most welcoming person I've encountered. He's taking me out tomorrow to show me around and be my tour guide. I'm actually really looking forward to it. Because everyone else has been very unwelcoming.

I was reading in the lonely planet book and it was saying how the boat trip from siem reap is what lures people here (i'll be doing that in a few days, i'm going backwards!) but that the chilliness of the city is what keeps them from lingering. Not sure if they mean the people or the climate. It is cooler here, but so are the people. It just feels like a sad, lonely city. I'm glad i'm only staying here a few days and moving on quickly!

So, how do you combat homesickness.... well, I watched the remainder of Andre on HBO, this place has a tv. Then i went to an american owned cafe and had Cambodian red curry with pineapple and then retail therapy of course. I bought the first thing for myself. A little coin purse so I don't need to carry around my heavy wallet with me everywhere. And the little shop I bought it at, all the proceeds benefit woman empowerment. And we all know I'm all for that! :)

Cambodian Vocabulary

Now it's time for your grammar lesson/drivers ed...

Some words, signage and concepts that Cambodians do not recognize...
1. Stop... as in stop signs
2. One way streets
3. look both ways before running into the street
4. safety.... is not first

It amazes me that there aren't more accidents here! there are NO lanes, they don't stop at stop signs, they don't pay attention to one way streets... it's pure unadulterated chaos!!

It also amazes me that my biggest complain while in Florence, Italy is that I always felt like I was going to get run over, and here where that's more of a real possibility than anywhere else I've been, I'm thriving and loving it! Interesting.

S-21 prison and the Killing Fields

I don't know why exactly I decided to go to the killing fields, followed by a visit to the S-21 prison today, but I did. I think part of it is because I want to be a better person, and part of being a better person is enlightening yourself to what atrocities others have gone through. With that being said, today you're going to get a history lesson.

In April 1975 the Khmer Rouge regime took over power in Cambodia. You do realize that was only 36 years ago right!? During the four years that they were in control of the country they killed thousands and thousands of Cambodians. Simply because they wanted all the people of Cambodia to be ignorant and submissive, who would bow to whatever the regime wanted the country to do.

During these 4 years they converted what was once a school into their base of offices and prison, S-21. They would torture people mercilessly before transporting them to a remote place where they would finally kill them and dump them into mass graves, the killing fields. It's hard enough to imagine one human being treating another like that, much less someone of the same ethnicity. I thought of Hitler and the Jews, and in this case, it was fellow country men. Men, women and children, it didn't matter. Their thought was that if they killed the entire family, there would be no one left to survive and get revenge. They would take babies and hold them by the feet/legs and swing them against a tree to kill them and there was a painting showing soldiers throwing babies into the air and shooting them as if doing target practice.

There were only 7 people that survived the thousands that they abducted during the 4 years! And the only reason they survived is because they had skills that the regime wanted to use, i.e. painter, photographer, etc. I don't want to get into more details about what happened as it's all pretty gruesome and you can easily find information online.

I'm amazed I hadn't heard anything about this on the news, because they just had the hearings and gave a sentence this last July to Duch; the highest ranked living person still living from the regime.