The Pink City

The last month and some days I've been staying in Jaipur, the capital of Rajasthan. Rajasthan is known as the land of kings, because it used to be full of kings and Jaipur is known as the pink city. The reason Jaipur got this nick name is because waaaaay back in 1853, when the Prince of Wales came to visit, the king had the entire city painted pink, because pink is a hospitable and welcoming color. Ever since then, all the buildings in the old city have remained pink, and actually have to be maintained to stay pink by building owners currently. It's not really pink... it's more of a salmon color, but what's the difference.

BLAH

The last week has been one of those weeks... lots of homesickness, lots of thoughts being processed, lots of lonliness. All around, just not the best week. It happens occasionally, even when you're living "the dream" it happens, just like it does at home when you're "workin for the man". Life goes on, and you must still live it though.

I don't want anyone to think I don't appreciate my life and my opportunities. I do! I am truly blessed beyond measure and will never be able to adequately express my gratitude. But until you've been traveling for three months (and have another 5 to go), living out of a suitcase, moving from one place to the next, learning a city and making friends and then leaving and having to do it all over again.... you'll never really understand how it can take it's toll on you.

Things are getting better... i'm perking up a little bit.

The Taj Mahal

I'll admit, it's the love story behind the Taj Mahal that made me want to see it so badly. In reality, it is just another grand building. An English poet, Sir Edwin Arnold best describes it as "Not a piece of architecture, as other buildings are, but the proud passion of an emperor's love wrought in living stones." The fact that Shah Jahan loved his wife, Mumtaz Mahal so much that he built the Taj Mahal to house her dead body is fascinating. You can see pictures, but to understand what a grand undertaking this was, you really need to see it in person and see all the details. Any woman will tell you, it's all about the details. This guy definitely got it right!

Whether or not we will admit it, or we settle for less... I think deep down inside every woman (including myself) wants to be loved as much as Shah Jahan loved Mumtaz Mahal.

A sobering realization...

I was looking at the calendar and realized I leave Jaipur, and India altogether in about a week. Last week the extreme temperatures (111* F/44* C) were starting to get to me and I started counting the days before leaving, longing for them to pass swiftly. Now I find myself not wanting to leave. I think there's several reasons for this sudden longing to stay here in Jaipur.

First, I've made wonderful friends here and it does feel a little like home. I will miss my friends and the feeling of being with family at home... not so much the city and weather though! Second, I'm leaving a part of my heart here in India. It's always hard to leave somewhere that your heart remains. And finally, I'll be out on my own again, alone. Starting all over, brand new, in a new country where I have to learn how it all works, all over again. I got a little settled here in India and now it's time to uproot and keep moving. It scares me a little. I know that's silly, I'm on the other side of the world. But when you've become familiar and comfortable with a country, it makes it a little harder to move onto another country. New faces, new languages, new money, new customs, new everything!

YWAM

Youth With A Mission.....

I know I've mentioned YWAM a time or two. It's a Christian organization with an emphasis on missions and equipping (mainly young, thus 'Youth') people to go out into the world and do missions work. The introductory course that anyone who wants to advance in any way in YWAM is the Discipleship Training School (DTS). They have a whole university program where you can graduate with a legitimate degree in certain fields.

That's who I've been staying and working with while here in Jaipur. I did my DTS with them way back in 99 in Melbourne, Australia. One group here in Jaipur is from Perth, Australia and another group who stayed for two nights was from Romania. There are YWAM bases located worldwide.

I didn't realize how much I missed the YWAM lifestyle until recently. I got so used to being alone and isolated, I forgot how much fun it is to live in a community of like-minded people. But the most amazing part of YWAM is the diversity it offers. Tuesday night when everyone was here, there were 11 countries represented and almost as many languages spoken.

After the BBQ on Tuesday, we had a spontaneous time of worship and prayer and seeing the different nationalities and hearing the different languages being used during prayer was breathtaking. It was like a movie trailer for heaven. Just a peek, a glimpse, a tease, a fraction of the idea of what heaven will really be like. With every nation, tongue and tribe worshiping and praising our amazing God. It left me speechless and breathless. I can't wait to see what the real thing is like!!

Spa day at Mother Teresa's!!

I continue to go to the Mother Teresa house with the expectation that I'll be helping them and in turn, I end up being the one helped.

Today, Navita was back from the hospital. Which made me happy, because she wasn't there last week, I got a little worried about what was going on with her. As it turns out, the operation must have been planned because she had some skin grafting done. So today, instead of clipping nails and doing laundry, I spent the day sitting on her bed visiting with her. Her sister Kavita brought out the nail polish and I ended up getting a manicure and pedicure. My fingernails are now a very pretty shade of sparkly pale pink and I have bright red toe nails!

As I learned more of Navita and Kavita's story today, I was surprised I didn't burst into tears. I knew a little, but today I got a bit broader of a scope. I know I've had some challenges in my life, but nothing compares to these two girls.

Navita is 15 and Kavita is 16. They are parentless. Not sure when or how exactly this happened, but Navita has told me more than once that she has no parents. As it turns out, they've been traveling to different Missions of Charity homes working since they have no parents. Completely taking care of each other and themselves. Pulling their own weight in a house where the work is tedious and exhausting. I couldn't believe it when Navita told me this. I knew she was at the house in Jaipur, staying for a while, but I didn't realize that they just moved from one house to another working. Navita leaves the house in July to go to boarding school, which she seems to be excited about.

In addition to having to take care of yourself at such a young age, Navita suffered a horrible accident in December, from which she is VERY lucky to have survived. She was on the terrace of a building and an electrical cable fell down onto her head. She was electrocuted and has burns on the top of her head and you can see where the electricity left her body on her feet. This is why she had skin grafting done. They grafted skin from the back of her head to the top, so that hair will be able to grow on the top of her head. And then grafted skin from her thigh to the back of her head. Can you imagine being 15 years old, when your self esteem is probably the most fragile and having to have a shaved head and facing the prospect of not being able to have a normal head of hair?! I asked her if she was excited about her hair growing back and she said yes, she also showed me how long her hair was before the accident.

Another lesson that India continues to teach me is confidence and being able to have the ability to joke about my body and my imperfections. Navita is dark, not dark like some, but she's not fair either. One of the big things here is being fair, white, you're automatically beautiful if you're white. It doesn't matter if you have an ugly face or not. So during the course of our time visiting, Navita, Kavita and some of the other ladies started joking that they should have taken my extra skin, because I'm so big, and grafted it onto Navita so she could be fair. It was actually pretty funny. But if someone had said something like that two months ago, I would have been mortified. But now, I can laugh at myself and not out of embarrassment or courtesy, but out of genuine good humor. I am confident and content enough with myself to see the humor in the comments now.

Good Intentions....

When I first arrived in India I had some salwaar suites made. Four pretty extravagant, nice ones that are good for church, weddings, special occasions. And then a couple salwaar shirts, two that I wear quite often because they are light and cool. So I've been interested in seeing if any of the retail stores have ready made shirts that I could add to my wardrobe that would fit me.

Everything in India is smaller when it comes to sizes. Yesterday I tried to get some of the really pretty, colorful, cool shoes that Rajasthan is known for. And similar to home, none of them fit. I could get them on, but boy were they tight. I was assured they would stretch and fit me, but that would take a LOT of stretching. I chose not to take the chance of them never stretching quite enough, so I didn't get them.

So today I was at a mall with a couple people that are becoming very dear friends. We went to EasyDay which is essentially Wal-mart, they had shirts up to xxl. But just like the shoes, boy were they small!! We checked a couple other stores, and it was the same story.

I know her intentions were good and pure, but it was a very funny and classic moment when she suggested I go into Mommy & me. I told her there was no way I was going to a maternity store to try and get a shirt. It took them a few moments of looking at the mannequins to realize what type of store it was. We all had a good laugh!!

2 months in India!

I remember when I was planning this trip and the initial reason for spending so much time in India; how elated I was and then as plans changed, but the time in India stayed the same, the fear that I felt about being in such a radically different country for such a long time. I wondered if I would be able to pull it off, I even had a back up plan of running off to Nepal or somewhere until it was time to catch my flight from Chennai to Sri Lanka.

Now I look back and realize I've been in India for two months. What was once a fascinating and intimidating country has become a second home to me. There are things that I don't give a second glance any longer because it's just India, and that's how things are done here. Spending so much time here has definitely put a new spin on how I approach life.

I went from a person that had to have every aspect of everything planned when I left the US, to a person who realizes that life contains many twists and turns and I'll get to my destination eventually, one way or another. Germs and dirt make you stronger. I was never a germaphobe... never one of those people who felt a constant urge to use hand sanitizer. But I liked things to be relatively clean.... by western standards. Yeah, that's gone out the window!! A little dirt, some germs and bacteria aren't going to do anything to you except maybe strengthen your immune system some. Nothing in India is clean by western standards... it's clean by Indian standards, which is a COMPLETELY different set of standards. But it works... I haven't gotten to horribly sick, I've survived, I've lived to tell the tale.... so it must not be all THAT dirty. Oh and clean cold drinking water. I have a new found appreciation for this simple basic part of life that we take for granted at home. I even took it for granted in Calcutta because the place I stayed had a water purifier that also cooled the water. Here in Jaipur where it's supposed to be 109* today they just have a purifier...... you have to fill your bottle and put it in the freezer. Unfortunately, there are several people from Australia staying here and the freezer is a little over worked at the moment and cold water to drink is a thing of the past. :(

After my time in India, I will NEVER be the same. I will try my best to maintain the appreciation I've gained for American luxuries. I will fight to keep the attitude of gratitude and maintain the relaxed outlook on life.

Bodily functions and India

I continuously post random toilet events on my facebook account and have never thought about doing a blog post about them. Which is odd, because India brings instant thoughts of diarrhea, stomach troubles and unsavory toilets to most peoples minds. Then I was talking to my mom the other day and she mentioned that all her co-workers have toilet humor conversations and my FB postings have added fuel to the poo fire!

Sooo, to the faculty at COTH... this one's dedicated to you! :)

By the way, this post is not for the weak of stomach or easily offended. So if you're grossed out by toilet humor and bodily functions that everyone experiences.... quit reading now!

I've managed to make it through the majority of my time in India without any major stomach problems, up until the last couple of weeks. On the way back to Calcutta from Darjeeling I got a nasty stomach bug. I found myself climbing down from the top of a triple bunk bed and making my way to the toilet on the train at about 1 in the morning. In general, having to use the toilet in India is not necessarily a pleasant experience! Luckily, the places I've stayed at have had western toilets, and I've managed to avoid having to use a squatty potty except for a time or two. Thankfully, enough tourists use the Indian trains that they've included a western toilet as one of the options on the train. Squat toilet on one side of the train car, western on the other side of the train car. Another fortunate thing for me in this instance is that the sink is right next to the toilet. Which means that when you are sitting on the toilet, crapping everything you ate out onto the train tracks you can easily lean over and puke the remaining remnants into the sink. I wonder if this could be considered multi-tasking? And yes, you read that earlier sentence correctly.... the toilets have no reservoir, everything is immediately relocated to the train tracks as soon as it leaves your body! This makes waiting for your train at the train station and aromatically disturbing experience!! The other fortunate thing about getting sick on a train in india, or really any standard non tourist toilet in India is the smell. It stinks!! It's stomach churningly stinky. Typically this would be disturbing, however when you feel the urge to puke rising in your stomach, you don't have to wait as long for it to actually be over and done with. The aroma of the toilet will help speed along the process. All I had to do was take some deep breaths while i was emptying my bowels and the vomiting had commenced! Unfortunately after round one of this delicate dance with the Indian train toilet I wasn't done. I didn't feel quite normal yet so I sat around the bathroom waiting for round two, and three and yes, even four. There was a cockroach hanging out with me... I named him Ralph. No, i'm not kidding, I really did name him.

That was phase one of my stomach troubles in India and happened about 2 weeks ago. It took me a few days before my stomach didn't turn at the smell of food, but I bounced back and had my appetite back within about 4 days. This brings us to phase two...

Saturday I decided to indulge in Pizza Hut. By the way, since I left home in February, this is only the third time I've eaten American food! I haven't been eating much at the base because... well just because, I won't get into specifics. So I was hungry and wanted some familiar food that I knew would taste good and i could pig out on. Everything was going great, until about an hour after I'd eaten. I suddenly had an urge to run to the bathroom. Of all the things I've eaten in India... and I've eaten some stuff, Pizza Hut is what gives me diarrhea the consistency of water. Go figure! I thought, oh, it's just the grease/oil, it'll pass in an hour or two. Oh no, this liquid poo lasted for 3 days!! We are talking absolutely NO solidity to the state of it at all. It sounded like pee and had the consistency of pee... well chunky pee, I checked. I actually thought of the term, liquid gold, that's what it reminded me of. LOL! Ok, that was gross, even for me that might have gone to far.

Oh but I'm not done...

Hopefully this isn't a phase, but for the sake of being consistent, we'll say phase three of my stomach issues. Just this morning (hopefully no one in Jaipur will be reading this!) I was in the kitchen chopping stuff up for breakfast when I felt the urge to fart. Typically I fart in the open, as long as it's not loud, with no remorse. There's always a smell in India so no one would even know you farted, they'd just pass it off as the constant aroma of India. So, here I am, minding my own business, alone in the kitchen, chopping onions, relaxing myself to let out a fart when lo and behold... that was not JUST a fart!! I scurry away to the bathroom to confirm what I feared, and even worse... liquid gold was back! Luckily, that was it's solo appearance for the day, and so far I haven't had any recurrences. Here's a tip for anyone who might decide to take a trip to India... do NOT buy new underwear for your trip. It will be a waste of money! Take old pairs that are holey and already stained.... you'll thank me for this tip some day!!

And one final thought... men have it so much easier here. On many levels, but the most prominent being that they can pee whenever and wherever they want. It doesn't matter where you're at, you don't have to look far to find a man standing with his legs spread and a stream of liquid exiting him. I've seen this in a field with the guy driving the motorcycle waiting at the side of the road, i've seen this against a wall at a busy street, absolutely no discretion at all! Everywhere you turn, there's a guy peeing. Oh to be a man in India!!

Dance Party at Mother Teresa's!!

I'm not sure if I mentioned it or not, but since I've arrived in Jaipur, I've continued working at a Mother Teresa house while here. This one is a home for both men and women. Housing sick, injured and mentally unstable people.

This morning a group of students from a local school came in to sing for the residents. After the guys left the girls sections, the girls of the group put on some Indian music and a dance party ensued. It was quite fun to watch the older ladies bust a move and I could only imagine how they must have been when they were younger.

The work here is different from what I did at the home in Calcutta. Here it's spending some time with the women when I first arrive, which is more than likely followed by doing laundry and occasionally I'm lucky enough to work in the kitchen.

The first day, they gave me a bowl of garlic and told me to peel and chop garlic. I remember thinking, that's it. I've been reduced to peeling and chopping garlic. My attitude quickly changed as some thoughts crossed my mind. The laundry is a very physically involved task, it's not a matter of throwing everything into a washing machine. All their laundry is washed by hand. I'm gonna have some major biceps by the time I leave Jaipur. And the laundry isn't pleasant. Typically the aroma of urine is in the air as we're washing sheets and today another pleasant toilet smell filled my nose while I was doing the laundry. This morning I also had the privilege of cutting the women's finger and toe nails. As I was armed with the clippers and looking at thick, dirty nails that didn't belong to me or a loved one of mine the feeling of disgust and superiority flashed thru my mind. When quickly, the same thoughts as when I was peeling and chopping garlic came into mind again. Whatever you do for the least of these, you do for me (Matt 25:40) that might be slightly paraphrased. It's puts the less than glamorous work into a whole new perspective!!

If nothing else, working at the Mother Teresa houses proves to be a constant lesson in humility, humbleness and servanthood. Lessons I don't regret learning, even if they aren't pleasant all the time. Lessons that I'm sure will serve me well throughout my lifetime. Lessons that I will be eternally grateful for. And when it comes down to it, lessons that I enjoy learning. Seeing the look of gratitude on the faces of the women while cutting their nails.... the intimacy of that act, the realization that they might be all alone in this world and I can show them love and kindness, that I have a real, unmistakable, irreplaceable opportunity to be Jesus with skin on.... that is the best part of these lessons learned at Mother Teresa's house.

A Hard Broken Heart

I do not like to cry!! I might even say I hate crying.

I can't tell you exactly when this aversion to crying began, except that it was sometime during my relationship with Alex. When I left him, I refused to cry. I had already cried so much during the relationship because of him, I didn't want to give him the power of causing more tears. That's a pretty sick statement, but it was a pretty sick relationship!

I realized today that during the course of my relationship with Alex, my heart went hard. I didn't allow myself to feel things or be open. Part of this was a defense mechanism on many levels. That doesn't mean it was or is healthy. I have also realized that I have a lot of tears that should have been shed over the last few years that I have kept bottled up and buried deep within me.

While the healing process of making a broken heart become whole takes place some tears have been shed. Probably not as many as a normal person would shed, but a lot for me. Until the last week. I have been a little bit of a mess! Crying for no reason. Well, I say no reason, but I have very valid reasons to cry. I've been unable to keep the tears in, despite my best efforts and intentions.

This morning during the group prayer and worship time I started crying and I couldn't really stop. No one will ever understand how embarrassing this is for me. Crying is not allowed!!! I feel like an idiot when I cry.

I had a revelation today....
I was never meant to have a hard heart. No one is meant to have a hard heart for that matter. But I realized today that God is in the process of making my heart soft again. Which means me overcoming my hang ups about crying as well as getting all those tears and feelings out that I've had bottled up inside of me for so long.

My broken heart healing process is three fold. I grieve the loss of Jeff. I grieve the loss of Alex, even if he was a jerk, and it's over 3 years over due. And I allow my heart to soften again; to allow myself to cry again. To cry and not be ashamed.

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's day to my mom and all my friends who are moms!!

I actually completely forgot about mother's day till someone here mentioned it was on Sunday. This is the second year I've been out of the country. Last year I was in Italy. I did manage to arrange something at the last minute though for my mom. Even if the florist messed it all up and now I have to sort it out. Oh well... it's the thought that counts. And I'd rather have her get a botched bouquet than nothing at all, like last year.

I realized last night at dinner, I look forward to the day when I can celebrate Mother's Day as a mom. One day.....

D-Day

It's decision day!!

So, it seems that my issues I was having have been sorted out. I'll have to continue to see how things develop. But at the moment, they're settled enough for me to say I am continuing on with the trip as originally planned! Which means I won't be homeward bound until mid November.

Over the course of the last month, there have actually been several decisions that have been made. I was asked to be on staff with YWAM in Jaipur and I made a final decision about that as well. I made today my "date" for determining that. And the answer is no. When I wrote the original post it may have sounded like I was leaning towards yes. Which I was at the time. But after a LOT of prayer and thinking and evaluating I decided against it. This trip, this time, is MY time. That sounds selfish, but I think I'll be robbing myself of some spectacular moments, in several regards. I'm not ready to start investing and pouring into other people's lives. I still need my time of being poured into! There were actually SEVERAL things that led me to the decision I made, this just happens to be the biggest.

I don't know if this can be classified as a decision or a revelation, or maybe a bit of both. But I've decided once I do get home to pursue an education in international finance so I can follow through with doing micro-financing and go back to Calcutta to call home and do micro financing there. This is something that will take years to accomplish, so i'm not moving to India tomorrow or anything. But it's something that will impact several areas of my life. The biggest being my dream to have a family.

I've come to a point where I have to choose between following God's dream or my dream. I've chosen God's dream. Although it means I may never get married and have a family... I'm willing to make that sacrifice because I know I'll never be happier than in the middle of His plan for me. I'm already excited about going to school to study and coming back to Calcutta to do this. Even if it is a bit bittersweet at the thought of doing it all alone. I know God can work miracles and there's a possibility of a guy out there somewhere who shares a heart for Calcutta. But at this point in time, I need to embrace the idea of doing this alone and being single..... FOREVER!

I know God will work it all out the way He sees fit, even if I don't understand it.

Global Events

Osama bin Laden was killed today by the U.S. military. Technically, May 1 in the states, but it was May 2 when news broke here in India.

While part of me wants to be happy that the mastermind behind the horrible 9/11 attacks has been killed. The reality that there is someone waiting to take his spot and run with the torch hasn't allowed me any time to relish in the significance of this event. well, it's given me ample thought about the significance of this event, but the thoughts have been far from positive.

I wish I could join my fellow Americans in rejoicing over his death. But the reality of it is this is just more fuel to their fire. Granted, there's nothing we could do, short of all us evil westerners dying, that would ever make an extreme group like this happy. But I read an article in one of the Indian papers the other day that said if Osama was ever captured or killed they would retaliate against Europe and America; and I believe they will. This also leads me to believe they knew the possibility of this was becoming a reality. And even scarier, it means they've had time to think and plan!

We fool ourselves into thinking we are secure; we live in our safe little bubbles. But if a group of people sick enough to kill themselves in an effort to kill others (suicide bombing!) wants to do something to us, they WILL find a way. It doesn't help us, that our news sources like to broadcast the most recent weaknesses in different infrastructures and security points. Let's just hand them an instruction manual on how to penetrate our country and the most unguarded, effective ways to kill large quantities of people. I myself can think of ways to cause significant damage, and i'm not nearly as devious, experienced or as sick as the people in this organization.

It's a new and slightly scary thought for me; to realize that I'm safer traveling abroad where I am, than if I was at home. I was talking to my mom and asking her to make sure she's available via cell phone and actually answers it, especially in the case of some sort of tragedy striking America and to be safe. She in turn told me to be safe while I traveled. I told her I'm in India, Sri Lanka and Africa over the course of the next few months. I don't have anything to worry about! These are the last places they are going to try to attack, it would be pointless for them.

I will continue to be safe, to follow my gut and to exercise caution as I always do. I hope that my friends in America will start and/or continue to do the same. The world is changing. We don't live in an untouchable bubble any longer and we need to start recognizing that.

By the way, going forward, i'm from Canada... eh!

noses and toes-es

The nose ring is gone!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, I know I just got it a few weeks ago, if it was even that long ago. I knew this could happen, I knew there was a possibility of me getting a keloid again. And it did. This is the reason why I got rid of my nose piercing last time. I'd rather not have one, than have a big bubble of flesh surrounding it. Which is what happened.... again. But this one was worse, it got cut open and wouldn't heal. I give up on nose rings. I wanted to suck it up, stick it out, see if i could overcome the keloid. Especially after all the trauma of getting the nose ring to begin with. Vanity won though.

The other random thing I wanted to mention... i found out that my crazy, funky, midget pinky toes (the same ones that people would tease me about!) mean I'm lucky here in India!